This past Tuesday I had to do one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life so far. A deputy on my husband's shift was shot to death by a man who hated government and law enforcement and first responders. My husband was on scene but not part of the ambush. I went with my husband to the funeral.
Because the deputy was on my husband's shift, his shift was treated as part of the family. All of the deputies on the shift met in a parking lot before heading, together, in their patrol cars, to the church. It was rainy and gloomy. I sat in his patrol car as I watched grown men, weighted down with bullet proof vests and 20 pound gun belts, with red rimmed eyes hug each other, asking "Are you OK?", "How are you doing?" Grief so visible. It was surreal. Almost like a movie.
The phone calls from my husband the day of the shooting provoked so many emotions in me, I can't even begin to describe them. I confess, most days, I don't think about what he does. I think if I dwell on it for too long, I would probably go slightly crazy. There have been times when my mind has gone there. The times when I try to call him and hours go by and I don't hear from him. The time I answered the phone only to hear that he had been in a shoot out but was unharmed. The time when there was a knock on the door and all I could see was a green law enforcement uniform on the other side.
Our life is different. I get phone calls from him when he hears a gray van has been in an accident. We are super protective of our kids. There are places we are just are not able to go. It is OK. It is a small sacrifice to give him, me, peace of mind.
I was a mess Tuesday morning. But, as we approached the church I was encouraged by the outpouring of law enforcement and first responders. They filled the church. Two thousand strong including friends and family. I was even more encouraged by the service it self. The preacher was retired law enforcement so he got it. He understood the sacrifices made by these men and women and their families. And was able connect with the majority of people in attendance. To share an eternal hope.
He said that the greatest gift that the fallen deputy could give his wife was the guarantee she would some day see him in Heaven. A number of years ago he had accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. He acknowledge that Jesus lived a sinless life, He was sacrificed on the cross for our sins, died, was buried and rose again. And is now sitting at the right hand of the Father. So is the fallen deputy. What a gift to his wife and kids!
She was the picture of this hope. All. Day. Long. I watched her. Amazed by her peace. She was gracious and loving and abundant with hugs for all. I even saw her laugh! She knew. She knew. She knew there will be hard days. But, she knew this life was temporary. She knew she would miss him terribly. For as long as she is on this earth. But she knew she would see him again some day.
It gave me such hope to watch her. She was faith in action. Her life, his life has affected thousands. Affected thousands for the loving, saving, grace of Christ!
There are no guarantees in this life. There will be great sorrow. But there is also great joy. And there is an abounding peace in those who have trusted Christ as their Savior. I believe it with all my heart and soul. And God has aloud me to see it with my very own eyes.
Thank you Chris and Erika Smith for sharing your love of Christ. And a hope that is eternal. At the most sorrowful time in your life . . .
(Pictures from the Law Enforcement Procession from the church to the gravesite. I have heard there were 700 cars, 20 miles long and traffic was at a stand still for 45 minutes. The streets and interstate overpasses had people saluting, holding flags, saying "thank you.")
