Nursing

This post will be filed under the honesty heading :) I believe in breastfeeding. I think it is the best for every baby. Recent research says it is the optimal way to feed your baby for the first three months. When I see newborns with bottles it makes me sad. I am allowed to say this because I have always struggled with nursing my babies. Nature Girl was a month early and I didn't have any idea about nursing babies. Because she was early she didn't have a strong sucking reflex. And then she had to be in the hospital for two days under the billi lights (spelling). So she and I struggled from the get go. I knew nursing was the best but she and I could never quite get it to work. I had little "feeding tubes" taped to my breast filled with formula to encourage her to suck. I gave her supplemental bottles after nursing for an hour. Every time she cried (which was a lot) I nursed her. We pumped, we nursed, we taped tubes, we went to support groups, I took natural supplements, we were up all night every night. Finally in tears and unsuccessful I called my mom. I don't remember exactly what she told me but whatever it was alleviated the guilt I was feeling for not being able to do what my body was created to do.

When Little Mama was born that was my biggest fear. Not being able to nurse again. I got a book that helped encourage nursing and putting a baby on a loose schedule. One of the biggest things the book recommended was getting the baby to take a full feeding every time she needed to eat. And it started from the minute the baby was born. It helped a lot. Little Mama was a good nurser but we still had problems. She didn't gain weight like the doctors wanted. By about 6 months (and I am sure I have the time wrong) she was listed as a failure to thrive and a pediatric specialist recommended she eat Ensure. Well, I did that for about a week. It just didn't seem right to me. In every other aspect she was fine. She just wasn't this huge baby growing like the charts say she should (which I have since been told are not necessarily made for breastfed babies). At about 10 months, Little Mama started taking a bottle. But I feel she is my success story.

Of course I had the same concerns when Boop was born. He did well for the first few months. He had a rash all over his body so it took some time trying to figure that out. At about three months he started to not gain as much and he was waking up constantly at night. So back to the support group we went. They put me on supplements to help boost my milk supply. I came home with a scale so I could weigh him pre and post feeding. After a couple days it was determined that he had a milk allergy and the milk he was getting from me gave him an all over body rash. Between that and the fact he wasn't gaining like he was suppose to, we decided to give him soy milk formula. I was glad that we made it as far as we did. It still bothers me that we didn't go longer but I had so much else to consider.

So now we have EG. Her first day nursing at the hospital was awesome. I thought to myself "Yeah!!!! It is finally all coming together and this is going to work like it is suppose to!!" Then the second day came and she refused to latch on. In came the nurses and the lactation consultants with the tubes and the formula. All in an effort to get her to latch and help my body make milk. I was sad!! I wanted so much to have this work. When we left the hospital I had to get a pump and I still had the tubes and tape. Every time I fed her I had to rig myself up (which I swore I would never do again because it was so stressful.) I still have the marks on my body from the tape. Finally, after about a week and numerous calls to the lactation consult and one meeting with her (to the tune of $50) she finally started nursing all on her own. Yeah!!!! Success!! But not for long. She had gained most of her weight back in the first week we were home so I thought we were well on our way. Just for kicks I had her weighed again the next week and she had actually lost 2 ounces. I was heart broken. Back to the lactation consultant for a scale and milk supply supplements. Now, we have been to the doc again and she has gain 4 oz but still not back to her birth weight. I have to weigh her every morning to make sure she is gaining and I have to weigh her before and after each feeding to make sure she is getting enough. There are times when I want to throw in the towel. I think hubby would like me to at times because it is such a huge weight on my shoulders to be solely responsible for her growth. Today we go back to the lactation consult for any last words on what I should do next. I absolutely do not want to give up nursing. What a blessing in the life of a new mother to look down numerous times a day and see your baby nestled close to you and nursing. There is no replacement for that. I feel I can say what is the best for a baby having been able to nurse (at least for a little while) and not being able to nurse. I have learned part of the problem is me. I don't eat all the things that I should like foods high in protein and fats. I am not a big eater and I eat just for me to survive. Hubby makes me eggs etc to help me to eat right. I lose my baby weight way to fast. I lost 26 lbs in 10 days. That can't be good for nursing. And, I am high strung. None of these qualities is good for nursing.

I have no regrets. I have a little guilt at times but I know in my head (if not necessarily in my heart) that I have given it my all each and every time. I have weighed what is good for my baby, myself and my family and made choices based on that. It is all I can do. I keep praying that this time it will work for the long haul but if not I will do my best to let myself off the hook. . .