Judgment

Some good things and some bad things have happened this week. And, through most of them I have felt judged. Not necessarily by what anyone has said or done. Just judged. Like I had to defend the goings on in my life.

This has puzzled me. All of the things that have happened, both good and bad, have happened for a divine purpose. All these things that have happened were done/made/happened with no ill will, selfishness, neglect, the intent to hurt others etc. They just happened.

Confession. I think one of the reasons I feel "judged" is because I tend to judge. It is so easy for me to pass judgment on what others are doing or not doing. It is easy for me to see on the outside what is going on and to think how I would do things differently.

I am responsible for the way I feel about others and about the way I think people feel about me. Hubby says I can be very defensive and I don't take criticism well, at all. And he is sooo right. Gosh, I hate to say that. Even if I don't verbalize my defense (which most times I do), I am thinking about the choices I make and rationalizing. I make decisions and I make mistakes. It is OK. EVERYONE makes mistakes.

Please forgive me for my judgment. First, I have NO idea what is going on in other people's homes and families. Second, even if I do know, to some degree, no family, marriage, life is exactly the same (or prefect for that matter.) So what works for me might not necessarily work for someone else. I don't know another homeschooling family of four whose hubby in a deputy sheriff. And those are just the very obvious things that are different. But, just those few things, make my life different from any other family. Just like I can't know what it is like to have a husband who works 9-5 Monday through Friday or a family who's kids go to school.

I think I waste too much time worrying about being judged. And too much time judging others. I tell the kids all the time "Who is the only one who can truly judge?" The answer is God. He holds that right all to Himself. He commands me to love. I am pretty sure if I am judging, I am not loving.

Being a mom is hard. It is great but it is hard. For every mom I know. It takes a ton of time, lots of patience and energy. It can bring the greatest sorrows and the sweetest joys. I am going to try like the dickens to not be so judgmental. Maybe that will help me not feel like I am being judged. . .