A Story

I have a story to tell.  It make days.  It may take minutes.  I just don't know.  I have thought about why I am writing this story.  But, after much soul searching, I am writing this for me.  It may not be coherent and it may not be consistent but I don't claim to be an award winning writer.  I write for me, for my family.

A long time ago, we had a new neighbor move in.  It took us awhile to warm up to her.  I can't really tell you why.  Maybe it is because she moved into a house of a friend of ours who had passed away suddenly.  Who knows.  But, as I told the kids just the other day, God put Ms. B next to us for a reason.

One morning, at about 6AM, as I was dragging our garbage cans to the curb, I noticed she was dragging hers out as well.  I had heard through the neighborhood grapevine that she was ill.  Very ill.  Cancer.  So, I went over and helped her.  And I think at that moment our friendship with her began.

Not long after that she invited the kids and I to swim in her pool.  But, we never took her up on it.  At the time EG was a baby and I just didn't feel comfortable going by myself.  And we really didn't know her all that well.  But, as the weeks and months went by, God put it on my heart to get to know her better, to minister to her.  She was ill and alone.

We started by just inviting her over occasionally.  Especially if we had some type of gathering going on.  She came once or twice.  But because of her cancer treatment, she had to be careful being around germs.  At times we would just bring her a meal or baked goods.

Then we started getting her groceries.  I would leave on Saturday morning and call before we went.  She only ever wanted a few things.  2% milk and strawberry Haagan Dazs were just a couple of the usuals.

She would pay the kids to get her mail three days a week and then this past summer we actually took her up on the swimming offer.  She LOVED having the kids around and always told me so.  When the kids brought her the mail and she felt up to it she would talk with them and have great conversations.  She would tell me about some of them when I would visit with her on the phone.

We took her to the Goodwill book store over the summer and we all had a ball.  She loved to read and loved books so we had that in common.  When she had a particularly worrisome doctor's appointment I would pray with her.

She had been sick for a really long time.  They finally took her off her chemo and she was such an incredible fighter!  Her positive attitude was infectious and I was always so uplifted after I would talk with her.  I would even feel a little guilty about my own poor attitude.

About two weeks ago she had a necessary back surgery.  She came through it with flying colors.  We visited her in the rehab center and she was making great progress.  She was able to go home.  We made sure she had some groceries when she got there.  And someone to look after her daily needs.

I am not really sure what happened but about a week ago she had to have a second emergency surgery.  I didn't find out until the next day.  Things had not been healing like they were suppose to.  She came home four days later.  And sounded horrible and in an incredible amount of pain.

We had been praying for her.  Me especially.  For as much as I had visited with her and having prayed with her, I had no idea where she stood spiritually.  She knew I was a Christian.  And we had discussed faith once or twice.  When I had invited her to church for Easter she said she and God were fine but that she did not care for church anymore.

So, on Monday when I knew she was going to be alone the next day, I offered to come sit with her until her friend was able to come back.  She was very hesitant.  She knows I am busy and she knows my mom is here recovering from knee surgery.  But, I assured her I could come hang with her for a little bit.  And was happy to do so.  Also, she had asked that I help her with some personal stuff toward the end of the week.  So, I knew I would have some uninterrupted time with her.

Monday night and Tuesday morning I prayed that God would give me an opening to share the love of Jesus with her.  Or some how let me know that she believed in Jesus.  I was nervous and scared about discussing spiritual things.

God had been prompting me for some time to share with her.  Over the months, I had used the excuses that I could never talk with her alone.  Or that it would be awkward to talk about heaven and hell with someone who was on the brink of death.  It was uncomfortable and way out of my comfort zone.  But, as the weeks passed I knew it was necessary to be obedient to God's calling.

On Tuesday morning I was up and showered early so I could be ready to go to her house when she needed me.  I had a plan with my mom and kids.  About 15 minutes after my shower my phone rang.  It was Paul.  An ambulance had been called to our neighbor's home.  She wasn't breathing and unresponsive.

I rushed out of the door with EG in my arms.  (She was the only one awake.)  I saw my other neighbor.  He and his wife had also been caring for Ms. B.  I told him what was going and and he and I and EG entered the open door to Ms. B's home.

Ms. B was on her bed.  Shallow breathing and unresponsive.  Her caretaker was beside herself and just not sure what to do.  I sent EG out to the couch to sit and the caretaker and my neighbor and I all had hands on her and prayed.

The paramedics arrived shortly after.  There was much chaos because of her just having had back surgery and the brace and the caretaker not really able to help with information.  Then law enforcement arrived and the fire department.  We were all asked to leave and stand in the driveway.  I took EG home and I went back.

We just waited.  My kids peeking out of the house wondering what was going on.  Although I am pretty sure they knew.  After what seemed to be an incredible amount of time, they brought her out and put her in the ambulance.  They let us know a few minutes later she had a faint pulse.

By that time hubby had arrived and was able to help us understand a little bit better what was going on.  They had cleared the house in case of death.  And how law enforcement kind of provides a hedge around the guys trying to work on the person.  (My neighbor's wife was very adamant about not leaving the house but she later apologized.)

In the meantime, our neighbor had called Ms. B's son and he was on the next flight.  The ambulance left and went to the hospital.  We sat most the morning just wondering.  She was put on life support and they waited for the son to get there.

He arrived last night.  And his mother, our neighbor and friend, passed away this morning.

I have had a mix of emotions.  I feel a bunch of guilt.  We should have done more.  I later learned from her son that she hated to ask for help but as her health deteriorated, she just didn't have a choice.  I should have responded promptly when God encouraged me to share Jesus.

Nothing happens without a purpose.  I am saddened by my neighbor's passing for so many reasons.  But, I also feel I need to search for a purpose.  A "why?"  More than just the obvious fact that she is no longer in pain.

It is so easy to say "this is not my responsibility" or "I don't have time to take care of that" or "shouldn't somebody else be doing this."   That is the most profound thing that has troubled me, for lack of a better word.  Our purpose, here on earth is to love and serve people and to share the love of Christ.  His gift of Salvation.  And if that is what I am called to do by God almighty Himself then my new motto has to be "If not me, than who?"

Here is a lady who was gravely ill for so long.  A tough, courageous, positive fighter for her life.  She was alone and eventually needed help.  How many more are out there?  I know we have a few just on our Meals on Wheels route.

My life can be hectic.  It can be crazy busy.  But, should it ever be so busy that I cannot help those who God has placed right in front of me?  I need to step up.  I need to see every person as Jesus sees them.  No, I can't help them all.  But I can pay attention to those who are in my life, who God places in my path.

I don't know if we failed.  I do know that her son said she thought the world of us.  And were grateful for our willingness to help.  I know I can't sit back and say I did everything I could.  Because if that were true I wouldn't feel the way I do.

But, I am going to take this as a huge lesson as to how we live our lives.  I have a husband and a family and they come first.  But, honestly, I cannot go through life and make excuses.  I have to help.  I have to be available.  I have to step out of my comfort zone and share the love of Christ.  I need to be the hands and feet of Jesus because that is what God has called me to do.

Will I fail.  Yes.  We all fail.  But, I want to look at people in my life with a new appreciation that life is short.  And we just don't ever know.  I can no longer wait for the right time, the perfect moment to share God's love.  It is a hard lesson to learn.  It is one I am sharing with hubby and my kids.

I want to always think "If not me, then who?" . . .