A Big Hole

Things are fine. But, I have to admit, when we got home from the doctor's office yesterday and daddy had already gone, it felt weird. It didn't feel right. Like something was missing. Even the kids felt a little out of sorts. It is hard to explain.

A few minutes after we got home, I received a text from a friend asking if daddy had left yet and if so how it was going? I answered her honestly. I was kind of panicky. Weird. The kids and I spend a lot of time alone in the house so that part was not all that strange, really. So as she and I corresponded I explained it this way: He is my security blanket. He is gone a lot but always a phone call away. Always in the area. I call him when I am not sure of something I should do. I call him when someone asks me something and I don't know how to respond. I call him when I don't feel well. I call him when I am frustrated. I call him when I am at wit's end. I call and ask him to come home ;) I call him to tell him funny stories that I know I will forget by the time he gets home.

If we have car problems or any other unforeseen problem, he is the one I call. No matter what he is doing he takes care of my problem. Sometimes he doesn't personally take care of it, but he gives me direction, guidance, calms me down, helps me to see things differently. I suppose I could still call him with all of my dilemmas but what would be the point of his vacation.

Another thing I notice is that I appreciate him much more he isn't here. Why that is, I don't know. Why can't I appreciate him more when he is here, I don't know. I usually tell myself "When he gets home I will do such and such." Something to let him know how much he was missed, how much he is appreciated. Honestly, in the past, that lasted about a day. This time I am sending him a text message every day while he is gone. Funny thing is, I am not overly confident that he will see it. Texting is not his thing. And if it isn't a yes or no response, I know he will not text me back. But, as I am learning it sometimes is the small things that we do to show appreciation. Who knows.

All I do know is that we (I) miss him and hope he is having a great time . . .