Honesty

I am not always honest I am sure. But, it is something I try really hard to work on. The other day a friend of mine said how much she appreciated my honesty. We had been talking about family, marriage, life. And I am sure I said how hard it can be. How sometimes my children drive me crazy or one of the other millions of things that aren't perfect or that I struggle with in my life. So, it made me think. Why do I go to such lengths to "tell the truth," almost to a fault. Don't misunderstand me, I am sure I lie or gloss over things or don't always tell the whole truth. But I make a big time conscious effort not to do those things. One of the biggest reason is, as I try to teach the kids, all we have is our word. It doesn't matter what type of house we live in, what we wear and even what type of personality we have. But, once we lie, don't tell the whole truth or exaggerate, people will stop believing what we say. Also, one of the biggest reasons for me is I don't ever want people to think I am something that I am not or that my life is something that it is not. I don't know why that is so important to me but it is. I guess maybe I think one of the dilemmas that families have nowadays is that we always want to show that everything is OK. That life is good and everything is under control. Lest we not be handling things as well as the next guy. We wouldn't want anyone to judge us. I think that can back fire because, really, is any one's life perfect? Just think of the things we could learn if every one were willing to share the bad things along with all of the good things. Of course, this is all just my opinion :)

I always shudder when people ask my opinion or ask my advice. Because I am not good at thinking on my feet. If I disagree or think something should be done different or if I have advice, I usually do not hesitate to share it. If for no other reason, then I just can't think of anything else to say. A couple of months ago, a friend asked me advice about a homeschooling issue. I told her, my thoughts, opinions, ideas etc. A week later she came up to me and said "Thank you" for being "tough" with her. My heart sank, my face fell and I immediately started apologizing. I had done it again. I had over stepped my bounds. I just kept apologizing. I didn't mean to be tough. Unloving. Uncaring. She assured me I was fine. That I was loving and caring. She really was thankful that I was willing to be honest with her. A few others had either thought like her or weren't willing to give a different opinion. I was so glad she didn't think I had been forceful with her. I know others who share their opinions but make it sound like there are not other options - theirs is the only way. I didn't and don't want to be like that. If I share my opinions I want it to be in love. I want whoever I am talking to to know that it is just my opinion. I have another friend that laughs every time she hears me start to apologize because she knows I think I have "done it again." :)

I don't ever want to not tell the truth. I don't ever want to hurt some one's feelings. I am working on and struggling with saying whatever I have to say in love. Working on myself and my children. No matter who we are, what we have, where we are, we always, always have our word. And once it is gone it is very, very hard to get back . . .