Rules vs. Relationship

I am a rule follower. Example: At the gas station I turn the car off when I get gas. This drives my husband crazy. He fills his patrol car all the time and never turns it off. He tells me all the other deputies do the same thing. He says it's safe. I don't care. The sign says "Turn off engine." Therefore, I turn off the engine! My rule following goes much deeper than that. If I am a rule follower it seems to me that everyone in my house should be rule followers. It is easy. You don't have to think about it you just do it. We have certain rules in the house. I don't think they are frivolous rules. They are rules to keep everyone safe (Don't go on the blue tarp that surrounds the pool so you don't go near the pool so you don't drowned. Brush your teeth twice a day so they don't fall out of your head. You get the idea.) Then there are rules about manners. These are important to me so that my children are well behaved. (Don't talk with your mouth full. Asked to be excused from the table. Use silverware. Don't interrupt adults when they are talking or on the phone.) I could go on and on about my rules. Put dirty clothes in the laundry etc., etc., etc. They all serve a purpose and function in our home.

I have found recently that maybe my rules get in the way of a relationship. For as good as I am with following rules, I am not so good at maintaining, sustaining, encouraging, understanding relationships. And I am mostly talking about my relationship with God, my husband and my children. I shake my head numerous times throughout the day when I hear the children being selfish. How many times have we talked about how important it is, how God calls us to put others before ourselves. It is a rule! What I fail to understand and impart to my children is that it is a rule born out of a relationship with Jesus.

I was talking with a good friend of mine the other day who has done a terrific job raising his children. They are homeschooled but not raised in a bubble. Yet, they for the most part make good choices, are respectful and kind. A lot of the things I want my children to be. So I questioned him about it. He related it all back to a relationship. How whatever choices we make we should always be trying to please God. Something similar to when you are dating someone new and everything you do in the beginning is to make that other person happy. When you begin dating someone rarely are you selfish. He kind of gave me the idea it should be that way with God and he was trying to teach his children that way. Everything they do or say or think should be pleasing to God. Building a lasting relationship with Jesus. I have a hard time relating that to my children because I have a hard time with that myself. I don't fully understand my relationship with Jesus. That it IS a relationship. I know that in my head but I have a hard time translating it to my heart. BUT I can follow the rules :) If I focus on the relationship then the rules just naturally come. Because I want them to not because I have to. Because I want to please God.

There is much talk about why children of Christian homes go astray. I can see that if the relationship part is missing and we are just following rules without a reason then it is very easy to make wrong choices or different choices. I see it happening with me and I can see it happening with my children. At some point there has to be more than "because I said so." It is easy to get caught up in rules. It looks good. It is something you can see. Something you can monitor. How can you really check the heart?? I don't have all the answers. Most of the time I am not even sure of the questions. But, it has been brought to my attention in so many different ways recently that I know I need to work on ALL my relationships. Not just for my kids but for me as well . . .