First, I have only watched the show maybe three times. To be honest, the way Kate talked to John hit a little too close to home. (I didn't see the show last night. From what I understand John was in "poor me" mode because he is 32 with 8 kids.) Second, I don't advocate divorce. But, to some degree, I don't blame John for hittin' the brinks. Let me explain myself. As I mentioned in my second sentence, the way Kate talked to John can be a little bit how I talk with my hubby. I am a control freak, I like things done my way and if you don't understand what I want I tend to lose my patience. I KNOW I need to change. I KNOW my behavior, reactions are not right. And honestly I am doing a little better. And now, every time I open my mouth to be disrespectful or henpeck or nag, I realize that any day my very patient hubby could say enough of this ____. I am out of here.
I guess my point is, every one deserves respect. As I mentioned in my first sentence, I have only watched the show maybe three times. I am sure the Gosslin (spelling) relationship has many more problems then just the way they relate to each other. But, having dated and been married to the same man for over 17 years, I feel the need to express that constant disrespect to your spouse takes its toll. And I would say that if the husband started to talk to his wife that way, the wife probably wouldn't tolerate it.
My husband is a patient, laid back man. He doesn't have the same priorities as I have. He doesn't worry about the things I worry about. He thinks brown and navy go together :) He doesn't feed the kids the way I do or discipline them the way I do. And you know, there probably isn't a day that goes by that I don't mention (not very kindly) the differences to him. But you know, I am really starting to realize he doesn't have to take it! If he said to me tomorrow, I have had enough I am history I think to some degree I would know that I drove him away. Now, I don't think he would ever do that but every time I disrespect him I am driving a wedge in our marriage. If I don't realize that I am wrong and if I continue to year after year treat him like a dog and he doesn't leave he is going to be MISERABLE. And he would probably find some kind of happiness somewhere with something or someone. That is the truth of it and a chance I don't want to take.
I have a fabulous husband and father. He is not me. He is not meant to be like me, think like me, handle things like me. I can't even imagine our household if he were impatient and a control freak. Our kids wouldn't have a prayer :) God has called ME to be respectful and obedient to my husband. He has called ME to be his helpmeet. He has called him to be the leader. If my husband chooses to lead in a different way, handle things in a different way, care about things in a different way then what I expect of him, that is then my problem.
I think, maybe, many of today's marriages start off on the wrong foot. Many young couples feel that it is a 50/50 relationship. I know I did. I remember the pastor who married us said if one day hubby wakes up and says we shouldn't go to church anymore, I was to obey him. Crazy. But now, 12 years later, I understand what he was trying to tell me. Only one can lead. And Gog intended it to be the man. It is especially difficult if you are a woman with a strong personality, opinions, thoughts about the way things should be done, a control freak, impatient (I am describing myself by the way), the struggle to be a good wife can be very hard (I know.) But after listening to many women talk about marriage and reading the Bible and many other marriage books, I know what my role is. I AM NOT CLOSE TO BEING PERFECT. I have a long way to go and honestly know I will never really get there. But, I think my hubby knows that I am working on it. I try to be humble and obedient and respectful and understanding and loving. I try to let him lead. He will lead if every decision he makes doesn't get criticized. (Don't misunderstand, hubby and I come to many decisions by the two of us talking about them.) I know that if I have concerns, I need to broach them with respect and love. And I am starting to realize it isn't my way or the highway.
Do I agree with John Gosslin for leaving his family? NO WAY. Should he stick it out and work through it? YES. Should he have gotten his ears pierced and get an apartment in New York? NO. But I do think the whole episode can speak volumes to what can be wrong in some marriages. Husbands who are unwilling to lead and the wives who are unwilling to give them the chance.
I don't intend on being a doormat. But I hope to have a relationship that is built on obedience in love, respect and humility.
Of course this is strictly my opinion . . .
5 comments:
I've watched this show a lot. I like it that one of their daughter's name is Leah :)
I also always admired Kate's organizational skills.
I think it's unfair the amount of negative press they've received, in particular Kate, for being a b****. I think people (women) are afraid to admit that they sometimes treat their husbands the same way, it's easy to say For Shame without turning the spotlight on yourself. Which you did so eloquently.
Jon himself has a lot of accountability here (more, in my opinion, since he's the one who left) and I'm not willing to lay the burden of the blame on Kate.
That said, the more I watched the show, the more I felt sorry for their children, and the spotlight that they didn't choose. The way that 'fame' is changing their parents.
I haven't watched at all this year.
Having not really watched the show, I knew I was treading on thin ice. I didn't find out until after I had writtin most of the post that he was whining about being a father of 8 at 32 blah, blah, blah. But I figured it was a good reason to bring up the subject of how I sometimes can be a b**** to the most important person in my life. I can't even imagine what those kids are going through or will have to go through the rest of their lives really! I don't lay the whole blame on her but I do feel she is partly responsible. I think in most break ups it isn't just one persons fault. I have always thought that their whole life wasn't real to begin with. What family of 8 can go on the trips that they do etc., etc. They ended up paying the highest price. All very sad!! Glad my house isn't on reality TV :)
Wait . . . navy and brown don't go together??? :D
I've never seen this show, just heard all the hype over the last few weeks. I'm so glad the producers pulled the plug on the show, especially with respect to those poor kids! They're the ones who'll carry the scars of all this. "Entertainment TV?" Um, not so much.
But you make a GREAT case for learning something profound, even from a stupid reality show. Your transparency says a lot, and I think most wives know they nag, bellyache, and treat their husbands badly to some degree, at least on occasion.
A long time ago I heard a term used in reference to the relationship between husband and wife. It's called "heavenly sandpaper" . . . meaning, in the odd dance we call marriage, we can sand off the rough edges of our spouses (and they, ours) without disrespecting or humiliating each other. The difference is doing it in LOVE instead of any other motivation.
And therein lies the challenge!
Great post, Annie!
I was mostly blaming the media for blaming Kate (not you!). I thought you defended your position very well.
And it seems that we learn more about this story every day!
I really don't understand why anyone would want to subject any part of their life to the media. They twist things so to make headlines and increase viewership. I am sure some of the people who allow to be filmed constantly start out OK and then it just takes over - creates a life of its own. It speaks volumes to me of our society. Whole other post!!
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