Humble Pie

When Nature Girl was born I was way out of my league. I was clueless about having a baby and being a mother! I will be honest, at one point shortly after NG was born I was pretty sure I was OK with having one child. I even talked with a good friend of mine who only had one child and she assured me that wanting only one baby didn't make me a bad mother.

As time went on and I started to get the hang of the this mothering thing, I (we) decided to have one more baby. When Little Mama was born things were comparetively easier. I had a little more knowledge and she really was a good baby. I remember at one point the girls were sitting down to lunch, Nature Girl almost 2 1/2 and Little Mama about 7 months I guess, anyway, we almost didn't notice LM was there. She was so compliant and so quiet.

Boop came along and he was the absolute easiest baby. I just don't remember, really, having many problems with sleeping or anything. Now, he did have a food allergy which was a little problematic at first but we were able to work it out. And now, he is starting to grow out of it.

The last two babies made me feel like I knew what I was doing. I was a confident mother. Surely out of three babies I had touched on just about everything a mother could possibly have to normally deal with. I felt I learned a TON from NG and her sleep/nursing/eating problems. I learned that nothing lasts forever. The good times and the bad. When trying to convince hubby that "really, what is one more . . . " I thought I had it going on! I was it! Now, I am not saying I was perfect or that I had all the answers because that would be way to prideful. But, I did think I could handle just about anything. By myself.

Today, I am eating humble pie. And it tastes HORRIBLE. EG is putting us through our paces. She eats constantly. She poops constantly (mostly diarrhea). She sleeps never. She is stubborn and willful and constantly into everything. She climbs up on everything. Shoves everything in her mouth. Demands everything. Touches everything. Talks constantly. Screams when she doesn't get her way. And is already having terrible two tantrums. I know they are fueled by the fact that I am tired AND she has a house full of siblings that will do anything for her just to get her to be quiet.

Yesterday EG and I were having a do not touch and obedience lesson, it was killing Nature Girl to have to watch. NG was kind of pleading with EG just to leave the books alone. Then NG got up and moved the books so EG wouldn't be tempted. EG has to learn "no" because the house is filled with things that she can't touch, eat, climb up on. It would be impossible for us to keep the house childproofed constantly.

Right now she has climbed up on the dining room chair and is standing. Now, if I only had one kid at home, that might be OK. I could watch her to make sure she doesn't fall. But my attention, a lot of the day, is focused else where. There is a lot going on. All the time.

EG has humbled me. In a big way. I thought I could handle it all. By myself. God has used my fourth child to bring me to my knees. CONSTANTLY. She is so precious. And so loving. And so happy. But so humbling.

I am very tired today. And when I am tired it is hard for me to shove my emotions way down deep. I have to smile, though, at my lack of humility in this one particular area. Apparently I am not all that! And it has taken numerous nights of no sleep to help me figure it out. I am sure when sleep comes again, which everyone assures me it will, I will think I am "all that" again. But, I hope I can keep some vague memory of the last month or so, to keep me somewhat humbled. Because, I don't like eating humble pie . . .