Fear of Failure

As I continue to struggle to nurse EG, I have been asked a couple times "Why do I hang on?" "What is my motivation to continue nursing?" Especially since I am not getting any sleep, she could be gaining a little more weight, it is affecting the rest of the family, I am about ready for the insane asylum - ha, ha :) I have been thinking about that on and off for the last couple of weeks. Why do I keep hanging on?? It restricts what we do as a family. I am not sleeping well which affects my mood, my appetite, my general health. It isn't like I have successfully breastfed the others (Nature Girl 6 weeks maybe, Little Mama 7 mos, Boop 3mos). Yes, my ideas of family and children have changed drastically in the last 8 years. I am now a stay at home, homeschooling, wheat milling, vaccine questioning mother of four. So my best guess as to why I continue is the mere fact of failing my child. Of course this thought has opened a whole other can of worms. I AM GOING TO FAIL MY CHILD numerous times before all is said and done. That is why I cling to the love of God and want to raise my children to understand the love and grace of God. He loves me and my children more than I can possibly ever understand. The love of God is the only perfect love. He will not fail my children. Well then if He loves my children why is it so hard for me (and many other women) to nurse. I truly believe it is along the lines of the original sin. Why childbirth hurts. We are fallen creatures. Yes, God created our body to do certain things but because of The Fall it doesn't always work out like it was originally suppose to. Even after you have given everything. Maybe I am just saying all of this to let myself off the hook. Who knows. But I have faith that God knows. And He is using this trial for His glory. Some how, some way . . .