Mother of the Year

Confession is good for the soul. So here we go! We were at one of the girl's activities yesterday afternoon. It was time to go home and we were in a little bit of a hurry because we had to go home, get dinner and get to choir practice. In my rush to get everyone together and get to the car, in frustration and agitation, I yelled very unkindly to one of my children in a hallway filled with other mothers and children. I immediately regretted my words and tone of voice and attitude. I was embarrassed. But the reason I was embarrassed has bothered me ever since it happened. Of course, as I went to get the child I had yelled at I passed all the mothers saying "Sorry, sorry, sorry" with my head bowed. Confession: I yell at my kids - a lot. Mostly for not obeying immediately. I struggle horribly with the concept of immediate obedience. I like the theory but have a hard time getting it to work. They need to obey immediately for so many reasons. Biblically, respectfully, for their safety. I could go on and on. But that isn't the issue right now and I am just making excuses for my behavior yesterday and everyday. Yes, my child did not obey immediately but I am just as much at fault for my reaction. The sad thing is I yell at my kids in that manor way too much! The only difference yesterday afternoon is that everyone heard me. I now had witnesses to my inability to control my frustration. Oh, I know what I do. I don't pretend to think that what I do is right. The way I talk with my kids in public or in front of others is different then the way I handle things in the privacy of our own home. But, I have noticed I am starting to lack that control publicly. I think it is a good thing because it has put front and center my attitude. The state of my heart. My walk with God and learning about His love and what love looks like. I NEED AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT. My children still need to learn first time obedience and respect but it needs to be with a kind and loving and respectful manner from me - ALWAYS. I am so quick to tell them they need to make good, Godly, right choices, not because I am watching but because the world and God is watching. But I seem to forget they are watching me. I have apologized and asked forgiveness from the child I have offended. I have asked God to forgive me. I live to grow in Him another day. Have I mentioned it is a soul searching experience being a parent . . .