Skate World

Part of my Joy Project, is to really step out of my comfort zone.  Which for me means doing a lot of the "fun things" the kids want to do.  The stuff that I spend a lot of time saying "no" to for various reasons.  One of those things was to take the big girls skating.  Now, this one that hadn't asked for recently but when the opportunity came up, I made arrangements for a few families to meet us at a local skating rink this past Monday night.

They were very excited.  And, honestly so was I.  I skated my way through Junior High School!  I have been skating once or twice in my adults years and was surprised how quickly it came back to me.  Anyway, the girls had a blast.  And, boy, were they good!  The had a great time hanging out with their friends and going around and around the rink.  Yesterday they were still singing the "Chicken Song."

Hubby was able to watch the little guys.  Although he brought them up to the rink for a little while to watch.  I promised them that when we went back, which we will, they would be able to skate too.  Hubby said he would even try.


They have Christian skate night every third Tuesday of the month and the admission is really cheap and free skate rental.  The majority of the music is Christian, which has come a long way since I skated at the Salvation Army many moons ago.  There were a ton of kids and moms and dads.  Just a really great, safe environment to have fun.

I have told the girls we will skate all summer long . . .

Mini Resurection Garden

I am not a very crafty person.  But, a part of my Joy Project is to make an effort to do things I wouldn't normally do.  Especially those that the kids might enjoy.  So, we are going to start doing a few more "hands on" activities!

What better way to start then by making a mini-Resurrection garden.  Nowadays it is so easy to plan for little projects like these because of Facebook and Pintrest and many of the blogs I follow.  All of the thinking and planning is done for me!

The girls and I had an extra hour or so the other day and got most of what we needed at the local craft store.  The next day, I gathered everyone around the table, gave each kid part of the project to do.

Add our ever present candle and the flowers brought to us by our babysitter and, ta da, we have a gorgeous Easter centerpiece, depicting the empty tomb!

I am proud of the kids.  And myself . . .

Letters of Love

I love my life.  I love my kids.  I love my husband.  I love God.  And I love what Jesus did for me.  But, as I start to evaluate the things that suck joy out of it, I have realized that I don't relate with love.

Voddie Bauchman in his book Family Driven Faith did a whole chapter on love.   What it is and what it isn't.  The most profound thing he had to say was that love isn't always a feeling.  And, that a lot of times it is a choice.  Feelings come and go.  We have to choose to love.

A friend sent me a blog post the other day about love being an action.  When her husband traveled he would end his phone call with "Loving you in ____________."  When she fed her kids or bathed them, when she nursed them when they were sick, she was loving them.

I am starting out my joy project with love.  As I mentioned before, God says in 1 Peter, it covers a multitude of sins.  In other words, for me, because I am not perfect, my kids are not perfect, my husband is not perfect, my life is not perfect, love can "make up" for all of that.  I love them all.  With all my heart and life.  But many times I don't always act lovingly.  In tone, words or deed.

My first goal is to memorize, meditate and study 1 Corinthians 13.    The ultimate scripture on love.  Doorpost, another blog I follow, did a couple posts on learning about Godly love.  And how, a lot of everyday parenting and issues etc. can be improved upon, just by choosing to relate in love.

So, because I want the change in my home, my life, to be an everlasting change, I thought what better way to start then to see what God has to say about the subject.

Here is 1 Corinthians 13 in its entirety:

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

4 Love suffers long and is kind, love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails.  But whether there are prophecies, they will fail, whether there are tongues, they will cease, whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.  9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.  12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three, but the greatest of these is love.

I am currently praying over this chapter and reading through this chapter everyday.  And challenging myself to memorize it.  One verse a day.  As you can see, it has some really great stuff about love.  What it is and what it isn't.

The very first verse spoke to me a a huge way.  I can talk with men and of angels about God and love and purpose for my life and the life of my family, church, world but when I need to relate things I do not always do so with love.  And my children and my husband hear sounding brass and clanging cymbals.  In worldly terms I am nagging!  No wonder no one hears me!

There is a verse in the bible and I have read it a bunch of different places in the last couple months or so but it says something like God does not speak in the earthquake, He speaks in a whisper afterwards.  And when God speaks to each of us, it is a calm, soft whisper to our hearts.  Now these are total paraphrases and I don't know the verses to refer to.  But, what I think God is saying is "hey, there is no need to yell, scream, nag, holler."

Of course, the flip side is to train oneself to listen for the whisper, to train your kids to hear the still soft voice, mine and God's.  But that doesn't change the fact that we are to relate to each other in love.  Not loud instruments!

And, anyone who is still training this and has a kid or two knows, sometimes (a lot of times as a parent) you have (I have) an overwhelming urge to speak REAL loud because I feel no one is listening.  But, as I am trying not to be a clanging cymbal and sounding brass AND I expect them to hear that, we are having a better day.

Practical ways I am using this verse:
-we have candles lit everyday,
-when speaking to a child I say "eyes and ears" so I see that they are listening.  Depending on the child, I may have them repeat the instruction back to me,
-I am identifying what I call love spots, spots during the day where I have historically not related to my children in love - usually when we are all trying to get out the door to get somewhere and then figuring out ways to avoid yelling
-having a child or children leave the room if they are creating conflict by words or deeds

I have seen improvement.  I have found ways to be more joyful.  Doing the girls' ballet/jazz/tap recital dances with them when the practise.  Gazing at the late night stars while taking out the dog.  Making a mini Resurrection garden.  Hugging more.  Using more encouraging words.  Taking time to talk and listen with each child.  Playing more music.  Not stressing about what we get done in a school day.  Using different techniques to do school.  Sending love letters back and forth to the girls.  Writing "I love you" on the bathroom mirror with soap.  Asking the kids what they like/don't like about school and then actually taking their advice.  Letting them have two cookies for dessert.  ;)

Anyway, just a few changes.  More on love later . . .

The List

Examples of things that suck joy out of my life:

disobedience WITH attitude
all types of disrespect (eye rolling, shoulder shrugging)
an imperfect hubby who is messy and forgetful
dealing with the same "sin" everyday (mine and the kids)
guilt
always something to do, think about, plan for
disorganization
clutter
lack of gratitude and appreciation (by me and the kids)
interruptions when I want to do something for myself
when someone does something better than me or that I want to do
so much to read so little time
high expectations
getting older
constant questions and need for attention
when I don't eat
forgetting (follow through)
when the new dog chews on stuff left around
dawdling
the feeling of being ignored
when I try to have a serious conversation and I am interrupted
the feeling of being totally responsible for everyone's choices and happiness
being pulled in 10 different directions
uncontrolled chaos
having to many places to be in one day
when my well thought through plans get changed

This list keeps growing, although the rate at which I add things has slowed down some.  And, this is not an exhaustive list.  Some things are just a little too personal to share.  And, I know, there are some things that you might say "really?"  But, I am just trying to be honest.

Some of these things might take a long time to change, some of these things may NEVER change.  But, I am confident, with the help of the Holy Spirit, that my outlook can change.  I will have bad days, I will fail and progress may be slow and even backwards.

If I have read it once, I have read it 20 times, I can not change others' hearts, but I can change mine.  Yes, I will have to work at it.  But, God has called me to be joyful so I know that it will happen.  If I rely on Him, put my faith and trust in Him and I don't give up . . .

Joy, Joy, Joy Down in My Heart

Not.  I am not by nature a joyful person.  I very proudly tell people I am a glass half empty type of gal.  It has served me well for 44 years.  It is a lot easier for me to deal with disappointment if I don't have huge expectations to begin with.  Just being honest.  I tend to look at the negative things but in a humorous sarcastic sort of way.

No big deal.  Until the kids start doing it.  And I don't like it.  Then I have to examine where they get it from.  And then I have to point the finger at myself.

I LOVE being a stay-at-home wife/mother and a homeschooling mom.  During our worst days I have never, ever wished I were some where else.  I know, that I know, that I know, I am right where God created me to be and right where He wants me to be.

But, most days are not filled with joy.  Now, I am not saying that I am sad and crying and wondering "why me."  Although I have those days too.  But, the deepest hope of my heart is that we have a house filled with peace and beauty and joy and happiness.  A house where our soul purpose is to love and serve God.  And we can feel rested and refreshed.

I can tell you, most days that just is not happening.  It is survival mode.  Love is not the word of the day.  Service to one another are acts to be avoided.  Our hearts, my heart does not have the right attitude.  There is just something missing in our house.

So, as I was talking with a friend the other day about all the Christian kids that are abandoning their faith the minute they leave the house (or sometimes even before) and that homeschooling is not the whole answer, I started to think.

We do all the outward things well.  We pray, we have morning devotions, we go to church, we volunteer and serve others, we talk about God and Jesus and what the Bible says about life.  We discuss worldview and biblical world view.  We discipline (and sometimes encourage).  I have a quiet time and discuss weighty subjects with friends.  We have started a multi-generational family LIFE group at church.  But yet, in my heart of hearts, God is telling me there is something missing.

Something huge.  I can do all those things.  I am goal oriented, task driven and an excellent list maker.  I love reading, love doing school, love helping others.  But, absolutely none of those things produce joy or love or peace in my home.  They are parts of a full life, though.

As my kids get older, I want them to LOVE our home.  I want them to not want to be a whole lot of other places.  I want them to view our home as a sanctuary, a safe place, a place of love and fun and peace and joy.  I want my children to esteem me, hubby and their siblings.  Most of all, I want my children to love and seek God IN EVERYTHING.  Because faith and hope and love for Him produces true joy no matter what the circumstances.

God has put a bunch of stuff in my path the last couple of years.  I won't write it all out because it would take me forever to list it all.  From scripture, to people, to books, to circumstances (mostly beyond my control.)  He is telling me I have no love.  I have no joy.  We have no peace.  And it is because of me.  Not all because of me.  But, I can guarantee beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am the catalyst of all the bad feelings in our home.

I lack love in the everyday, little things.  I love the big picture.  But I struggle mightily with the everyday little annoying, frustrating, confusing things.  And isn't that what makes up life?.  All the little things?  I have boundless joy suckers in my house all the time.  I need to do something about that.

So, I am in the middle of the book The Happiness Project.  And that gave me an idea.  I am starting my own "joy project."  I am going to spend the next few days, weeks, months, years working on my joy factor.  From the inside out.  A true change of heart.  (I know I can not do it on my own.  Phil 13:4 I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.)

I am keeping a list off all the things that suck joy out of my life.  Everything from a forgetful husband to kids who can't sit at the table and just eat their food.  I am going to pray over the list, evaluate the list (as to why they suck joy out of my life), figure out whether the things on the list really matter in light of eternity, figure out what practical things I can do about the things left on the list,give God many things on my list.  And go from there.  The list, so far, in three days, is front and back of a sheet of notebook paper!

Most of it is just little things.  Just little, little, little things.  That get under my skin and "ruin" my day.

After praying over my partial list on Tuesday, I have decided to tackle LOVE first.  In 1 Peter God says it covers a multitude of sins.  And I am talking about love in my heart.  I am working on me first.  Be a catalyst of a loving attitude.  In all things.

I want to love the everyday little things that drive me crazy and suck out joy.  I want to learn to be thankful for those things and see them as opportunities for growth in me and my family.  Aren't we all on a journey of a relationship with Christ?  We are always growing, always maturing.

I truly do love my life.  I just want it to be filled with more true joy.  Not one that comes from circumstances, things or anything temporal.  I want my joy to be focused on the eternal. And the work that I am called to do for my King.  Being a joyful helpmeet to my husband, being a mother that someday my children will rise up and call blessed.  A parent who has eternal goals for her children.

So, as I progress through my Joy Project, I will be relating things through my blog.  Mostly because it is therapeutic.  And, blogging is something that brings me joy . . . .