I love my life. I love my kids. I love my husband. I love God. And I love what Jesus did for me. But, as I start to evaluate the things that suck joy out of it, I have realized that I don't relate with love.
Voddie Bauchman in his book Family Driven Faith did a whole chapter on love. What it is and what it isn't. The most profound thing he had to say was that love isn't always a feeling. And, that a lot of times it is a choice. Feelings come and go. We have to choose to love.
A friend sent me a blog post the other day about love being an action. When her husband traveled he would end his phone call with "Loving you in ____________." When she fed her kids or bathed them, when she nursed them when they were sick, she was loving them.
I am starting out my joy project with love. As I mentioned before, God says in 1 Peter, it covers a multitude of sins. In other words, for me, because I am not perfect, my kids are not perfect, my husband is not perfect, my life is not perfect, love can "make up" for all of that. I love them all. With all my heart and life. But many times I don't always act lovingly. In tone, words or deed.
My first goal is to memorize, meditate and study 1 Corinthians 13. The ultimate scripture on love. Doorpost, another blog I follow, did a couple posts on learning about Godly love. And how, a lot of everyday parenting and issues etc. can be improved upon, just by choosing to relate in love.
So, because I want the change in my home, my life, to be an everlasting change, I thought what better way to start then to see what God has to say about the subject.
Here is 1 Corinthians 13 in its entirety:
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love suffers long and is kind, love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail, whether there are tongues, they will cease, whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three, but the greatest of these is love.
I am currently praying over this chapter and reading through this chapter everyday. And challenging myself to memorize it. One verse a day. As you can see, it has some really great stuff about love. What it is and what it isn't.
The very first verse spoke to me a a huge way. I can talk with men and of angels about God and love and purpose for my life and the life of my family, church, world but when I need to relate things I do not always do so with love. And my children and my husband hear sounding brass and clanging cymbals. In worldly terms I am nagging! No wonder no one hears me!
There is a verse in the bible and I have read it a bunch of different places in the last couple months or so but it says something like God does not speak in the earthquake, He speaks in a whisper afterwards. And when God speaks to each of us, it is a calm, soft whisper to our hearts. Now these are total paraphrases and I don't know the verses to refer to. But, what I think God is saying is "hey, there is no need to yell, scream, nag, holler."
Of course, the flip side is to train oneself to listen for the whisper, to train your kids to hear the still soft voice, mine and God's. But that doesn't change the fact that we are to relate to each other in love. Not loud instruments!
And, anyone who is still training this and has a kid or two knows, sometimes (a lot of times as a parent) you have (I have) an overwhelming urge to speak REAL loud because I feel no one is listening. But, as I am trying not to be a clanging cymbal and sounding brass AND I expect them to hear that, we are having a better day.
Practical ways I am using this verse:
-we have candles lit everyday,
-when speaking to a child I say "eyes and ears" so I see that they are listening. Depending on the child, I may have them repeat the instruction back to me,
-I am identifying what I call love spots, spots during the day where I have historically not related to my children in love - usually when we are all trying to get out the door to get somewhere and then figuring out ways to avoid yelling
-having a child or children leave the room if they are creating conflict by words or deeds
I have seen improvement. I have found ways to be more joyful. Doing the girls' ballet/jazz/tap recital dances with them when the practise. Gazing at the late night stars while taking out the dog. Making a mini Resurrection garden. Hugging more. Using more encouraging words. Taking time to talk and listen with each child. Playing more music. Not stressing about what we get done in a school day. Using different techniques to do school. Sending love letters back and forth to the girls. Writing "I love you" on the bathroom mirror with soap. Asking the kids what they like/don't like about school and then actually taking their advice. Letting them have two cookies for dessert. ;)
Anyway, just a few changes. More on love later . . .
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