Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone! The following are some words of Truth from a song we sang this morning at our amazing Easter service. I am soooo grateful that Easter ain't about the bunny. I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive forever. Hallelujah, amen . . . .

Let the children sing a song of liberation
The God of our salvation set us free
Death, where is thy sting? The curse of sin is broken
The empty tomb stands open, come and see

Let my heart sing out, for Christ, the One and only
So powerful and holy rescued me
Death won't hurt me now because He has redeemed me
No grave will ever keep me from my King

CHORUS
I'm alive, alive, alive, hallelujah!
Alive! praise and glory to the Lamb.
I'm alive, alive, alive. Hallelujah!
Alive! Forever. Amen

Youth Group

It has been my experience every time I join in on our church's youth group, I take away so much that applies to me.

Sunday night, one of the youth leader's brought out a rope that was close to 80 feet long. It was to represent eternity. He taped about 4 inches of that 80 foot rope with bright red tape. It was a representation of our life, here on earth, in light of eternity. In other words, if we live an average of 80 years and we trust in an eternity promised us by God through His Son Jesus, than that red portion is our entire earthly life. Such a small, small, small portion. Ya with me so far?

And, that as a 16 years old, your life is about 20% complete. In other words 20% over. At 16. Most teens, especially when they get their license feel like life is just beginning. That when high school is over or graduation from college happens, that is when life truly begins. Maybe when you get married or have kids or get a real job, that is when you really start to live a real life.

But, his challenge was, at 16, you are right in the middle of life. That just because your young you don't have to wait to "live life." That teenagers can be making choices now that effect their eternity and the eternity of those around them. He encouraged those youth to be thinking about eternity NOW and to be thinking and doing and acting on how to share the good news of Jesus to as many as they can and challenging them to be thinking about how many they could be taking with them to eternity in Heaven. They are living their real life right now and it has great importance.

I have no idea how many were listening. I saw some paying attention. I saw others on their phones. But, I know I was listening! If at 16, a life is 20% over, I was busy doing the math at how much of my life here on earth was complete/over. It challenged me to stop thinking about the "cares" of today and really focus on words, actions and deeds that have eternal consequences for me and those around me.

I don't fear death. It brings me great comfort to know that I will spend an eternity on a new earth with God, Jesus and all of those who have chosen to put their faith and trust in Christ. But, for the last 40% (fuzzy math at best) or so I have on this earth, I want to make it my goal to make an eternal difference to as many as I can. No matter where I am or what I am doing.

I have no idea what it will look like for me from day to day. And sometimes I just need to do the very next thing that brings honor and glory to God. And that can be as simple as reading a book to my "baby" or joyfully doing a task that hubby has asked me to do or serving breakfast in a poorer part of town loving those kids and sharing the Gospel. Or maybe someday it will include traveling to a foreign country being the hands and feet of Jesus to those who have never heard the goods news before. I just don't know. But, one thing I do know, is I am going to be more intentional with my remaining 40% here on earth . . .

Changing of the Seasons

This has been an interesting summer for me. For some reason it has really hit home that I do not have a baby in the house any more. (Last night we measured her and she is 4 feet tall!) In the last couple of weeks my baby has worn the dress that NG has on in this picture. And it just threw me for a loop. How can that be? NG just wore that dress a couple of years ago!  Ha, ha! EG is almost at the age NG was when EG was born!

Maybe it is because I have been school planning for a high schooler. Or maybe because part of the summer has been going through old toys and clothes and school books. Maybe it is because my baby can actually fix her own breakfast. Maybe it is because my very first baby will be 18 in less than 4 years. Or maybe because next week, 3 of the 4 will be going to camp together. 

Anyway, I am still crazy busy but it is different. I am actually busy doing some things that I have an interest in. Things I never had time to do before. Things that God has placed on my heart and put before me.

It has made me sit back and kind of ponder "Where do we go from here?" "What should be our focus going forward?" For so many years I was just kind of in survival mode. Just making it through the day. Some days we still are just trying to make it through but I feel there is more "wiggle room." Now, not so many physical demands (except for maybe driving my almost teen and teenage around) but maybe more mental, emotional and spiritual "demands."

For so many years, we all went everywhere. Together. Whether it was the dentist or the grocery store. Now I can actually go get my hair cut. Almost whenever I want to.  Because they are old enough to stay by themselves. I was at the grocery store two weekends ago and the cashier asked me where my helpers were. It was strange.

Part of me is sad. I have been praying over a lot of really great things we could do going forward. Really trying to open my, our hearts, to ways that God would have us to love and serve and sacrifice. And part of me is super excited about that because I know God has a plan for us that I probably can't even imagine. I just look back over the last 15 years and think about how He has brought us from a newly married couple who were told we couldn't have kids, to a family with four and homeschooling. I know for a fact God does amazing things!

I know EG (or all of them for that matter) aren't babies anymore. Hubby sometimes has to take a double take at NG because he sometimes thinks she is me. But, I guess, no matter what, my babies will always be babies to me. For that I am truly thankful . . .  

Week Three and Four (and Five)

If there has been a resounding theme for weeks three, four and now five it has definitely been relationships, relationships, relationships.  There is nothing more important than my relationship with Jesus, my relationships with my husband and my family and my relationships with friends and acquaintances.

Our life doesn't always reflect that.  In fact, we spend a lot of time just checking boxes.  Trying to get things done.  I think one of the things that I know I definitely need to change is to slow down and really experience each day to its fullest.  No matter what that day looks like.

One thing I am going to try to do at night is write down my activities for the next day.  And then take time to pray over them during my morning quiet time.  Remembering that God can send my way something totally not on my to-do list.  That no matter what is going on, right at that moment, that is exactly where God wants me to be.  Whether it is struggling through a Math lesson and making the thousandth peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

When there is choice between Math and a relationship, the relationship needs to win out.  At the end of the day, life isn't about Math, Science, History etc. (although they are important parts) but it is about people.  Loving people, serving people, sharing the love of Christ with people.  That is what is truly important. . .

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteous, and all these things shall be added to you."  Matthew 6:33

Sunday

I have a devotion book I just love.  It is called Jesus Calling and it is a daily paragraph and it is written like a personal note from Jesus himself.  The paragraph is peppered with scripture.  This was yesterday's and I just loved it.  I tend to be one that makes my own way.  I am not a go with the crowd kind of person. (So much so I sometimes have to question my motives.)  For the most part, I could not careless what someone else is doing.  I desire to please God with my words, actions and deeds and I fall woefully short.  Sometimes, though, my desire leads me on the road less traveled.  So this was just so encouraging to me.

"You are on the right path.  Listen more to Me, and less to your doubts.  I am leading you along the way I have designed just for you.  Therefore, it is a lonely way, humanly speaking.  But I go before you as well as alongside you, so you are never alone.  Do not expect anyone to understand fully My ways with you, any more than you can comprehend My dealings with others.  I am revealing to you the path of Life day by day, and moment by moment.  As I said to My disciple Peter, so I repeat to you:  Follow me." 

Psalm 119:105; John 21:22

Kind of a aah haa moment . . .

It Is Done

So, I wanted to post about the half marathon before my Swiss cheese brain forgets anymore of it.

The whole event was just so surreal to me.  My friends picked me up around 6:30 AM and we drove in darkness to the race spot.  The topic of conversation was all about the race.  The nerves, the anxiousness, the speculation of the outcome.  When we got there, people were everywhere.  And most of them looked like real runners!  I still felt like a poser.  Should I really be here??  We all went to the bathroom and took our "before race" picture.  Then it was off to find our starting spot.

They have all the runners placed from fastest pace in the front to slowest pace in the back.  And that is where we headed.  But, we were not alone.  There were tons of people in the back of the group and all different kinds of people too.  It really helped me relax to look around and see all the various types of people who came out to run a half or whole marathon.  People in all shapes and sizes and ages!

At 7:30 we were off and running together but we ended up kind of separating which we all knew would happen.  I stuck to my plan of walking the first 10 minutes, just to get my old bones, muscles, lungs and heart warmed up.  It had worked in the past so I didn't want to change a thing just because it was a race.  The downside of that was, though, most everyone was passing me from the very beginning.  It was hard not to start running but I knew I would have a much better chance of finishing "well" if I stuck to my plan.  I always have to have a plan.

When my 10 minutes were up, I just started to run.  Slow and steady.  Taking in the scenery and the people and soaking up the whole atmosphere.  I saw a number of people I knew from spectators to runners.  When I run I don't talk or listen to music.  I prefer to run alone.  I can barely run much less talk while I am doing it!!  But, I do find myself smiling a lot.  Maybe because I am just amazed at what I, and countless others are able to do.  Or delirium.  Who knows.

I knew I would be OK the first half.  I had asked hubby and the kids to be at the turn around, halfway point because I knew they would be some inspiration.  They actually were a little bit before it and they cheered as I ran by.  They might have left and found another place to wait but a little bit later, after my turn around point, I saw them again.

It started getting difficult on the way back.  Ankles hurt, knees hurt, hips hurt.  Thankfully not all at the same time.  My devotion Sunday was about just saying "help Jesus" when I need help. And so that is what I did. Running a long race is really like doing life.  There are good spots, spots in life where you do well and you can rejoice.  Then, there are spots in life where you struggle.  And at those times God if faithful to be there "a very present help in the time of need."

When I run long distances, I get into a zone.  I really don't notice much else.  Getting towards the 10 mile mark I did see hubby and the kids again, twice, kind of following me in the van.  Then, after mile 11, nothing.  I really didn't see or notice anything except maybe the occasional person to ask "How much longer?"  By that time I was talking to myself out loud.  So much so I was losing breath and had to stop talking out loud.  I was just being silly, trying to pass the time and keep myself motivated.  Just repeating out loud all the body parts that hurt and by this time they all hurt together.  But, I was determined.  I knew if I stopped running I would never start back up to cross the finish line running.

But, also at that time, I was reflecting on how much God loves me.  Loves all the runners.  How much He has blessed me, blessed me beyond measure.  I spend most of my time, while running, talking with God.  And towards the end it became a little emotional.

I was tired physically and mentally and emotionally.  This had all started as a celebration of life and health of a wonderful friend who had had brain surgery exactly a year ago.  Our crazy idea of running together to mark the one year anniversary turned into 6 months of love and prayers and encouragement of not only a physical nature but of a spiritual one as well.  A bunch of wonderful Godly women (our group has expanded to include 2 or 3 more) has been praying for families and children and all sorts of life's stuff along with the encouragement to keep exercising and training.

At the end, I was just so grateful and thankful to God for a life filled with love and family and friends and the trials that make us grow in faith.  I was also so focused on finishing that I never saw my family and my mom cheering me on the last 3/10 of the race.  I also never saw them at the finish line.  I was so singularly focused on crossing the finish line running with a smile on my face that I heard and saw nothing!  I was shocked that they were there!

Afterwards, I was a little sore because my legs were allowed to stop moving.  But it was doable.  I was one of the first of our group to finish so we had a plan to meet the rest of our runners at the last 3/10 of the race and run in with each one as they crossed the finish line.  No one cared how long it took for the others to run the race.  We were in it together and we were going to finish together!

There were tears as we all hugged.  We had accomplished something great!  Together!  Then we all went out for lunch!  All 20 of us (kids and husbands included.)

There has been talk, already, in our virtual running group, if we will do another 1/2.  I don't know.  I would have said last week "never!"  Now, I am not so sure.  We have decided one thing though, we are going to keep our little prayer and encouragement group going for both exercise and spiritual accountability.

As I read back over this, I wonder why on earth would I run when it can be so hard and painful.  The only thing I can think of is that many of the things that are worth doing are hard.  But, the end result is so worth it. I don't think accomplishing great things is ever easy.

Kind of crazy it is over.  Gotta figure out something else to stress about . . . (just kidding) . . .  (sort of) . . .

Woot Woot Teenager in the House!

As April rolled around we found ourselves with a teenager in the family!  I remember being a teenager.  It seems like yesterday.  Not 30 some odd years ago!

I have been reading up on teenagers a little bit these past few months.  And before I share about how we celebrated our new teenager, I am going to share a little bit of what I have learned.  It is my blog.  I get to do that. ;)  The teenage years are not to be feared.  They are to be approached as an age of opportunity.  (The name of one of the books I read.)

Don't miss understand me.  I think the teenage years can be filled with a little bit of confusion and frustration. On the child's part and on the parents.  There is soooo much going on mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  But, the one thing I have gleaned from most of what I read is, this is a great age for a child to start spreading their wings.  To really start to practice the lessons that, we as parents, have tried so hard to convey to them.  They get to start putting into practice all the lessons on humility and serving and sacrificing and loving and giving and responsibility and ownership and work ethic and what the world is about etc.

That is one of the hardest things I have had to learn.  I have to let go.  Just a little bit at a time.  To give her (them) the opportunity to test out all that she (eventually they) have read, heard, learned etc.  And it is also a time to start letting go of some of the consequences of choosing not to be humble or serving or sacrificing or loving or responsible. . . .That is hard too.  But, it takes baby steps and that is where the teen years come in.  Still at home.  Still responsible to us.  We still get to have loving and encouraging and supporting conversations that can shape life choices. (Our youth pastor posted this quote not to long ago "We get to make choices and then our choices make us.")

The teenage years are full of ample opportunity to impart Godly wisdom.  Wisdom that will be with them for a life time.  Wisdom that is built on Truth and Love.  Wisdom that transcends time and is not based on the whims of the world.  Sometimes they take it and sometimes they don't.  But, I am presented, daily and sometimes hourly, with Godly life lessons with my teenager (many times with all the kids.)  There is so much to think about and contimplate.  Not just for the kids but for myself as well.  I have thought so many times about the person I might have been had God not blessed me with a loving husband and four wonderful children.  I would totally be missing one of the greatest parts of parenting if I thought it was all about their growth spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally!  So, the beauty of all of this is I get to grow in Godly wisdom as well!!  God uses my teenager (and the rest of my family) to mature me into the person He created me to be!  God is amazing!!

OK so enough of that!

Now on to pictures from NG's birthday celebration.  She is such a trooper.  On her actual birthday and that weekend, we were all part of our church's musical so there wasn't much in the way of celebrating at the house.  But, on the following Monday, she had a "big girl" birthday party.  I reserved a table for 10 at a trendy restaurant in midtown.  The menu had options like mac and cheese with spinach etc.  She invited a bunch of her closest gal pals and had a very grown up lunch.  (Grandma was there too!)  The restaurant was very accommodating.  And the girls were adorable.  We sat outside at wrought iron tables under a couple of big umbrellas.

Then, after lunch, we walked next door to a cupcakery for dessert.  The girls' did a little shopping in the boutique and then ordered a cupcake which they ate out on the porch.  I had so much fun hanging out on the periphery of the get together.  Just watching and listening.  I loved watching them order and eat and chat and giggle.  My daughter has such great friends.  I love each one of them!

Birthday Girl!!

Sisters!

I would be lying if I said I don't worry about the next few years.  So much going on.  And way too fast.  But, there are sooooo many glimmers of what a wonderful time this can be.  And, so, I am really, really trying to approach this time of life as a wonderful age of opportunity.  Happy, happy birthday to my wonderful teenager . . . 

Crazy Weeks

It has been a couple crazy weeks for us.  Visiting family and helping others and just living our normal, busy lives.

My goal through out is to find God in all of it.  He is here.  In grace and mercy and love.  His miracles surround us.  We just have to be on the watch for them.

I have been a follower of Christ for some time now.  I was never one of those who was on fire.  My relationship and journey with Christ started out slow.  Very slow.  In the beginning of my relationship I know I was saved but I am not sure He was Lord over my life.

But, right now, I am in a place where I want to see the miracles of God in everything.  In everything.  Even in the ugly and scary.  Because He promises me, in His word, they are there.  As my pastor said last week, the miracles are not always physical.  They may be spiritual or relational or emotional.  Or any number of ways that are sometimes harder to see.

Today, I am choosing to wake up and actively look for the miracles because I know they are there . . .

Mother's Day

Thirteen years ago this weekend, I sat in my mom's church attending the Mother's Day service.  And I was in tears.  With a heavy, heavy heart.  I remember thinking, as I saw the mothers being recognized with their families, that I would never have the joy of being a parent, being a mom, having a baby.  The thoughts at that moment in time were devastating.

The Friday before Mother's Day, I had traveled down to visit my mom and to go to an appointment with a woman's specialist.  My hubby and I had been trying to become pregnant for over a year.  The specialist told me and my mom, after I gave him my symptoms, that in order for me to have a baby I would have to harvest, my then 14 year old sister's eggs and blah, blah, blah.  I knew right then and there, that wasn't going to happen.

My husband and I wanted children, but we also knew that we would never go to extremes to have them.  For many different reasons.  Needless to say I was devastated.  And on that Mother's Day morning I was so sad, thinking about my childless future.

The following week or so, the specialist's office called and said that my blood work had been normal.  But, by then, the damage had been done.  I stopped taking fake hormones or whatever they doctor likes to put woman on to help them get pregnant and I just called my pastor and asked him to pray for us.  We really had no choice but to carry on life as normal.

We had hobbies and friends and jobs.  We started thinking about things we would do, not having children.  I honestly don't remember being super depressed.  I am sure I was.  But, I just don't remember it.  Probably because about 3 months later, I found out I was pregnant!

We joke to this day, that we were just about ready to buy the old-man-down-the-streets fishing boat when I found out I was pregnant.  We were stunned to say the least.  I remember waking hubby up and trying to explain what was happening (at the time he was working night shift.)  I remember calling the doc's office and desperately wanting to come in and have them verify it.  Which they graciously did.

I remember people saying "that specialist had no idea what he was taking about."  And that may be true.  But, I know that my babies are a gift straight from God.  And His timing and His plan, on looking back, had a purpose for me and my husband.  Oddly enough, we never had a problem after that.  Ha, ha!

As I get older and my childbearing years are drawing to a close and as I celebrate, yet another wonderful Mother's Day, I cannot be thankful and grateful enough to the Creator of all things, to have blessed me so richly.

There is no greater joy that I have had and will continue to have, then being a wife and a mother to my precious family that God has so graciously given me . . .

7 Tackles Clothing

The second month in our 7 experiment tackles our obsession with clothing.  How we have more clothes in our closet than we could possibly ever wear in probably a month's time.  At least that is what my closet looks like.  So, this month we are on a clothing fast.  With our end goal to realize, yet again, that we don't need what we have and because of that we don't appreciate what we have and are not good stewards of what we have.  Because, if we can't find the match to one shoe, by golly, there are always three or four other pairs of shoes to choose from.

This is a family affair.  Everyone is participating in some way.  Even hubby.  For the next four weeks I will be wearing seven articles of clothing.  And only seven.  One pair of jeans, a pair of sweat pants, two long sleeve shirts, one short sleeve shirt, a sweater and two pair of shoes (which we decided would count as one thing).

The kids each have four outfits one of which is for church and one of which, for the girls, is ballet stuff.  They each have two pair of PJs and two pair of shoes.  Hubby has his uniform, a church outfit, a t-shirt, gym shorts and yucky pair of jeans and another shirt of some sort and some shoes.  (He has a little more flexibility.)

We will not be doing half loads of laundry.  We hang up our clothes every night or put them neatly in a wash bucket in case we have a load of laundry.  Or, if they don't get washed, they can be taken out and put on.  It necessitates thinking and planning ahead.  I am currently in a long sleeve shirt with my black sweats.  I have realized I need my jeans for the next three days when I go out of the house so the less I wear them around the house the more "clean" they will be.  I would have wore my t-shirt but I slept in it last night and I had a full load of colored clothes so I threw it in.

Sure, the "experiments" are some what contrived.  And, really, is wearing 7 articles of clothing going to change me?  I don't know.  But, I feel we need to do something to break out of the mindset we have as Americans, as a family.

I am tired of the lack of appreciation for the basic things that we need to live yet we have in abundance and take for granted.  I am annoyed by our lack of good stewardship because we just know there is more where it all came from.

But, my main goal, is to help us truly focus on our wonderful Provider.  "So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow:  they neither toil nor spin, and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?"  Matthew 6:28-30.

Less of me and my stuff and more of Him . . .

I Love My Kids This Much

At church, a while ago, the virtue the kids were learning about was individuality.  How each one of us is unique, created by God with certain gifts and abilities.  The take home paper was a big, sticky piece of plastic that had a list of gifts and talents and places for me to fill in what gifts I believed each child has.  Things like dancer, encourager, singer, helper etc.

So, the next day I filled it in.  We talked a little bit about how God makes each one of us different.  And there is no one in the world just like each one of us.  And that we each, every single one of us, has an important purpose in this world and God created us, uniquely to carry that purpose out.  Then we put them up in the bathroom, on the mirror, where they could see them everyday.  I told them when they were having a bad day they could go in there and look over all the wonderful things that God made them to be.

Someone, I am not sure who, said "Mommy you need one."  And I couldn't have agreed more.  There are many days I need to look in the mirror and be reminded of how uniquely God made me.  And all the gifts and talents He has given me to fulfill His purpose in my life.  That happened to reminded me that a couple of months ago I had printed off some sheets that said at the top "I love mommy because . . . " and then line after line things like "she wants" or "she says" or "she hopes."  I had the three older kids fill them in.

Some of the things they wrote were funny, some true and some brought tears to my eyes.  "I love my mom because she sees me dancing."  "I love my mom because she hears me singing."  "I love my mom because she wonders what I do."  "I love my mom when she touches my hair."  "I love my mom because she worries what I am going to be when I grow up."  "I love my mom because she understands me (sometimes.)"  "I love my mom because she dreams to have a happy family."  "I love my mom because she tries to make us happy."  "I love my mom because she hopes I grow up to be a mom."

Another one:   "I love my mom because she wonders why we argue."  "I love my mom because she feels happy and joyful."  "I love my mom because she cries when she is stressed."  "I love my mom when she says really?"  "I love my mom because she hopes I love her and I do."  "I love my mom because she loves me and Snoopy and how I help her."

The last was:  "I love my mom because she wonders how good the day is going to be."  "I love my mom because she feels happiness."  "I love my mom because she worries about stuff."  "I love my mom because she understands stuff."  "I love my mom because she says encouraging stuff."  "I love my mom because she dreams of stuff."  "I love my mom because she tries to do stuff."

I loved  reading all of them and, for me, it was so apparent who wrote what!  It made me laugh and it made me cry.  It made me think "I am doing OK."

It has been about six weeks since we have done this.  The kids encouraging words are still up in the bathroom.  And I keep mine in my school basket.  When I am having a bad day, one of them usually remembers to pull out the sheets and give them to me.

It immediately brightens my day.  It helps me to remember who I am and what my purpose is in life.  I am a stay-at-home, homeschooling mother with four amazing, thoughtful, loving, serving, caring, talented, unique kids!  Seriously, who could ask for anything more . . .

Choices

If I have learned nothing else in my life so far, it is that life is about choice.  And God, from the very beginning gave each and everyone of us free choice, a free will.

Unfortunately, in many cases, we as sinful humans have made bad choices, wrong choices, some with devastating effects for ourselves, for our families, for our human race.

No amount of laws or restrictions or rules will ever alleviate our human capacity for being sinful.  Our root of human sinfulness started with Adam and Eve and will be with us until Jesus returns.

We are studying in our catechism class the choice our original parents made, Adam and Eve.  God made a covenant with them "Do not eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and you will live forever."  And what did they do?  They broke the very first covenant with God and ate the apple.  Hence sin and depravity and evil entered into our world.

I asked myself "Well if God knows everything that is going to happen, why did it have to happen?"  My answer, not being a theological student by any stretch was "God wants us to obey Him because we love Him.  Not because we are a bunch of rule followers.  He wants us to choose to love Him."

He could have created us to automatically love Him and obey Him but that just doesn't seem as genuine, as real, as a love that is chosen.  Obedience that is chosen.  If I forced my children to love me and obey me, I suppose I would get some satisfaction from that.  But, if they choose to love me, choose to obey me, how much more glorious and wonderful and fulfilling.  I know I enjoy the freedom of choice and the blessing it brings.  And sometimes it heartaches.

In light of recent events, we as a population get caught up in they why things happen.  And make excuses and reasons.  We need to have answers that make sense or make us feel better.  We live in a sinful, depravity filled world.  Where people choose not to live for God.  No amount of rules, laws, regulations will ever stop the evil in this world.

It is scary, unfortunate and troublesome.  All that I feel I can do is my best to love God and others, minister to those who need it,  pray, immerse myself in the word of God, listen to God's will for my life, make choices that are pleasing to God, share with my children and others that God puts in my path the wondrous love of Christ and know, that as a believer, I will spend eternity in a sinless, perfect Heaven . . .

God's Providence

As I have mentioned before, our Multigenerational LifeGroup (Sunday School) is going through the Catechism.  We are on Question 11 "What is God's providence?"  Answer:  "God's providence is holy, wise and powerful preserving and governing every creature and every action."

This past week we read a lot of Scripture from the book of Esther.  Do you know that in all the book of Esther, God is not mentioned directly?  Anyway, last week's catechism discussion focused around Mordecai's faith in the providence of God.  That no matter what Esther decided to do about the fact that the King, her husband, had just ordered all Jews to be killed (the King did not know at the time that Esther, his wife, was also a Jew), the Jews would not be killed because the future Messiah was to come from the Jews.

God's providence is all through the book of Esther, from the fact that Esther was chosen to be the next Queen, to the fact that King Xerxes couldn't sleep one night and read the transcripts of the happenings of the past few days and found out that Mordecai, Esther's cousin, had uncovered a plot by two of the King's men to kill him.  It is a great, great read!  And so much to learn.

We were so excited Saturday to read our catechism discussion questions and read the verses in Esther.  Such a great story about anger and pride and irony and faith.  But, that wasn't even the best part.  The best part was arriving in our church service after LifeGroup only to find out that our Pastor is going to spend the next few weeks discussing the book of Esther in depth!  Talk about God's providence.

The kids were apart of the discussion in our LifeGroup.  And then we go to the church service and the Pastor is preaching the same story.  The kids recognized names and dates and plots.  This is just one somewhat seemingly minor example of the providence of God.  Our Life Group leader encouraged us to look back over our lives and pick out a few examples of where we could see God had worked.  Most every adult had something to say.  There are many, many areas in my life where I can see how God worked some things out.  Although I didn't always see it at the time.

I am really excited about our study in Esther.  My guess is that God has something to say to me and my family through the book of Esther and I am intrigued to say the least. . .

Sunset and a Full Moon

After dinner our last night, we all went back to the Fort to watch the sunset and get some family pictures.  The views were spectacular.  The sun setting on one side of us and directly behind us the full moon rising.

Our wonderful friends.

Family pic.

The kids.  The pictures we taken on top of a wall, on top of the fort.

The men.  Totally outnumbered.

All the pretty girls.

Boop had to take a picture of his mama.

Pictures of the fort at sunset.

The moon rising behind us as the sun was setting in front of us.  

Daddy being silly!

One of the greatest things about camping, is really coming face to face with all the beauty that surrounds us in creation.  We (I) have a habit of taking it for granted.  We are learning through Scripture and in our catechism, that God fulfills His decrees in creation and providence.  What a beautiful lesson about the world that God has created . . .

Catechism

I am ashamed to say, when I first read through the book Family Driven Faith, I had no idea what a catechism was.  Well, that is not entirely true.  I thought it had something to do with the Catholic religion and only the Catholic religion.

But, after researching it just a little bit further I found out there are a few different ones, depending on denomination.  The ones that I looked over are all set up the same way.  Short, poignant questions, with concise answers meant to help believers get a firm foundation of their faith.  If taught week by week, it could take up to two years for the Westminster Shorter.  That is a huge commitment of time.

Of course, I was intrigued and so purchased it about a year and half ago.  It immediately went up on our shelves.  It was kind of overwhelming.  The one I bought is called Training Hearts, Teaching Minds and it is a daily devotional type book set up weekly, based on one of each of the catechism questions.

About 3 months ago, God placed on my heart this idea to form a multigenerational LifeGroup where parents and kids go to a Sunday school class together, instead of being separated out in to age appropriate classes.  I ran it by hubby and a good friend and then we went to our Pastor.  We got approval from our church leadership body and we (us and our good family friends) started a new class.

So, for the past 5 weeks at 9:30 on Sunday mornings, currently four families (about 20 of us ranging in age from 3 years old to 45 years old) gather in a class room and are going through the catechism together.  Our current "teacher" is a good friend and he teaches Science to 5th graders.  He has been perfect in setting up his teaching time in such a way that engages the kids yet teaches the parents.

What I like about learning the catechism is that it has helped me understand some of the more profound questions about God, Jesus and man.  Our very first question was "What is man's primary purpose?"  The answer is "Man's primary purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."  The next six days of the devotion go through Scripture and bible stories that support the question and answer.  We read it almost every night, right after dinner, at the table.

Up until we learned that question, memorized the answer and read through some Bible passages explaining that, I can tell you I would not have known concisely what my primary purpose was.  I was created to glorify God!  In all that I do.  And enjoy Him forever.  Thanks to Jesus.  It definitely shows that my life has a purpose!!  No matter my circumstances.

Another questions was "Who is God?"  If you have ever thought about that question, it is a mind bender.  I know in my heart and I read in the Bible who He is.  We learn about Him in church and through daily devotions and Bible study at home, but I don't know if I could concisely/precisely answer that question in a manner that sounded somewhat intelligent, until we went through the question about a week ago.  "God is a spirit, whose being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth are infinite, eternal and unchangeable."

These are Biblical truths being taught to all of us.  It is so cool to hear EG respond to the answers.  Does she necessarily get what she is saying, probably not totally.  But, she is building a foundation on the rock of Biblical truth and scripture.  In other words, she is a getting a great start.

I don't know the future of our Multigenerational LifeGroup and I hope we will continue on with our catechism regardless.  But, I know it serves a purpose right now in encouraging families, our family, to worship, praise and learn about God together.  We will continue getting a firm foundation based in truth.

A great start for us all  . . .

Teen Pact

One of the most incredible programs that we have been involved with, last year and then again this year, is something called Teen Pact.  In a nutshell, the kids learn about God and government.  And, that they are not separate entities.  Did you know in Isaiah 33:22 scripture states the Lord is our judge, the Lord is our lawgiver and the Lord is our King?  Sound like any branches of government you have ever heard of?  Hint:  judicial, legislative and executive.

It is a one day program for ages 8-12, so both the older girls were able to attend this year.  They start out the morning with praise and worship and then go right in to a Prayer Walk around the Capitol.  This year we prayed for the Governor, the military hero wall and then went to the 22nd floor and prayer for our city and our state.  We hold hands right in the middle of the Capitol and each one of us prays out loud.  Kind a cool!

Then the kids (parents) go on a scavenger hunt trying to locate all the interesting stuff in the capitol such as a pamphlet of a self guided tour of the capitol and what floor the Attorney General's office is on.  We learned things like the state pie of Florida is the Key Lime (not really all that surprised!)

They leaders, who are all teens by the way, make eye contact, shake hands, remember you from the year before and call you Mrs./Mr. So and So, speak in full sentences, understand the role of government and authority in their lives and cheerfully serve others.  I was shocked to find out last year that one of our leaders was only 16!  Anyway, the leaders put on a skit that helped all the kids (and me) better understand how a bill becomes a law.  School House Rock has nothing on them!!

After lunch, they got to the part that Nature Girl was waiting for.  She has very vivid memories from last year of writing, reading and presenting a bill in front of the Senate.  This year Nature Girl's bill was to outlaw shipping popcorn.  She was able to do a first read in front of the "Senators" but never got to get up to present and answer questions about it.  But, Little Mama did!

Her bill, which I just loved, was outlawing Chicken Pot Pie!  She hates any kind of meal, except dessert, in a pie crust.  She did her First Read, then her bill got picked to present it and answer questions from her "fellow" Senators.  So, she went up to the "well," presented her bill and the other kids asked questions.  They are only 8-12 years old but boy could they ask some questions.  Little Mama took it all in stride.  And she did fabulous.  I was so proud of her!

It is by far one of the greatest civics lessons learned.  At the end of the day, the program director reminded the kids that they were there because they were leaders, Godly leaders in their churches, neighborhoods, schools, and most especially in their own homes.  And that the way to be a leader is to be obedient to their parents and God.  To be an example to younger siblings.  All very encouraging stuff!

I am very thankful that the girls were able to have this opportunity . . .

Letters of Love

I love my life.  I love my kids.  I love my husband.  I love God.  And I love what Jesus did for me.  But, as I start to evaluate the things that suck joy out of it, I have realized that I don't relate with love.

Voddie Bauchman in his book Family Driven Faith did a whole chapter on love.   What it is and what it isn't.  The most profound thing he had to say was that love isn't always a feeling.  And, that a lot of times it is a choice.  Feelings come and go.  We have to choose to love.

A friend sent me a blog post the other day about love being an action.  When her husband traveled he would end his phone call with "Loving you in ____________."  When she fed her kids or bathed them, when she nursed them when they were sick, she was loving them.

I am starting out my joy project with love.  As I mentioned before, God says in 1 Peter, it covers a multitude of sins.  In other words, for me, because I am not perfect, my kids are not perfect, my husband is not perfect, my life is not perfect, love can "make up" for all of that.  I love them all.  With all my heart and life.  But many times I don't always act lovingly.  In tone, words or deed.

My first goal is to memorize, meditate and study 1 Corinthians 13.    The ultimate scripture on love.  Doorpost, another blog I follow, did a couple posts on learning about Godly love.  And how, a lot of everyday parenting and issues etc. can be improved upon, just by choosing to relate in love.

So, because I want the change in my home, my life, to be an everlasting change, I thought what better way to start then to see what God has to say about the subject.

Here is 1 Corinthians 13 in its entirety:

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

4 Love suffers long and is kind, love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails.  But whether there are prophecies, they will fail, whether there are tongues, they will cease, whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.  9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.  12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three, but the greatest of these is love.

I am currently praying over this chapter and reading through this chapter everyday.  And challenging myself to memorize it.  One verse a day.  As you can see, it has some really great stuff about love.  What it is and what it isn't.

The very first verse spoke to me a a huge way.  I can talk with men and of angels about God and love and purpose for my life and the life of my family, church, world but when I need to relate things I do not always do so with love.  And my children and my husband hear sounding brass and clanging cymbals.  In worldly terms I am nagging!  No wonder no one hears me!

There is a verse in the bible and I have read it a bunch of different places in the last couple months or so but it says something like God does not speak in the earthquake, He speaks in a whisper afterwards.  And when God speaks to each of us, it is a calm, soft whisper to our hearts.  Now these are total paraphrases and I don't know the verses to refer to.  But, what I think God is saying is "hey, there is no need to yell, scream, nag, holler."

Of course, the flip side is to train oneself to listen for the whisper, to train your kids to hear the still soft voice, mine and God's.  But that doesn't change the fact that we are to relate to each other in love.  Not loud instruments!

And, anyone who is still training this and has a kid or two knows, sometimes (a lot of times as a parent) you have (I have) an overwhelming urge to speak REAL loud because I feel no one is listening.  But, as I am trying not to be a clanging cymbal and sounding brass AND I expect them to hear that, we are having a better day.

Practical ways I am using this verse:
-we have candles lit everyday,
-when speaking to a child I say "eyes and ears" so I see that they are listening.  Depending on the child, I may have them repeat the instruction back to me,
-I am identifying what I call love spots, spots during the day where I have historically not related to my children in love - usually when we are all trying to get out the door to get somewhere and then figuring out ways to avoid yelling
-having a child or children leave the room if they are creating conflict by words or deeds

I have seen improvement.  I have found ways to be more joyful.  Doing the girls' ballet/jazz/tap recital dances with them when the practise.  Gazing at the late night stars while taking out the dog.  Making a mini Resurrection garden.  Hugging more.  Using more encouraging words.  Taking time to talk and listen with each child.  Playing more music.  Not stressing about what we get done in a school day.  Using different techniques to do school.  Sending love letters back and forth to the girls.  Writing "I love you" on the bathroom mirror with soap.  Asking the kids what they like/don't like about school and then actually taking their advice.  Letting them have two cookies for dessert.  ;)

Anyway, just a few changes.  More on love later . . .

The List

Examples of things that suck joy out of my life:

disobedience WITH attitude
all types of disrespect (eye rolling, shoulder shrugging)
an imperfect hubby who is messy and forgetful
dealing with the same "sin" everyday (mine and the kids)
guilt
always something to do, think about, plan for
disorganization
clutter
lack of gratitude and appreciation (by me and the kids)
interruptions when I want to do something for myself
when someone does something better than me or that I want to do
so much to read so little time
high expectations
getting older
constant questions and need for attention
when I don't eat
forgetting (follow through)
when the new dog chews on stuff left around
dawdling
the feeling of being ignored
when I try to have a serious conversation and I am interrupted
the feeling of being totally responsible for everyone's choices and happiness
being pulled in 10 different directions
uncontrolled chaos
having to many places to be in one day
when my well thought through plans get changed

This list keeps growing, although the rate at which I add things has slowed down some.  And, this is not an exhaustive list.  Some things are just a little too personal to share.  And, I know, there are some things that you might say "really?"  But, I am just trying to be honest.

Some of these things might take a long time to change, some of these things may NEVER change.  But, I am confident, with the help of the Holy Spirit, that my outlook can change.  I will have bad days, I will fail and progress may be slow and even backwards.

If I have read it once, I have read it 20 times, I can not change others' hearts, but I can change mine.  Yes, I will have to work at it.  But, God has called me to be joyful so I know that it will happen.  If I rely on Him, put my faith and trust in Him and I don't give up . . .

Joy, Joy, Joy Down in My Heart

Not.  I am not by nature a joyful person.  I very proudly tell people I am a glass half empty type of gal.  It has served me well for 44 years.  It is a lot easier for me to deal with disappointment if I don't have huge expectations to begin with.  Just being honest.  I tend to look at the negative things but in a humorous sarcastic sort of way.

No big deal.  Until the kids start doing it.  And I don't like it.  Then I have to examine where they get it from.  And then I have to point the finger at myself.

I LOVE being a stay-at-home wife/mother and a homeschooling mom.  During our worst days I have never, ever wished I were some where else.  I know, that I know, that I know, I am right where God created me to be and right where He wants me to be.

But, most days are not filled with joy.  Now, I am not saying that I am sad and crying and wondering "why me."  Although I have those days too.  But, the deepest hope of my heart is that we have a house filled with peace and beauty and joy and happiness.  A house where our soul purpose is to love and serve God.  And we can feel rested and refreshed.

I can tell you, most days that just is not happening.  It is survival mode.  Love is not the word of the day.  Service to one another are acts to be avoided.  Our hearts, my heart does not have the right attitude.  There is just something missing in our house.

So, as I was talking with a friend the other day about all the Christian kids that are abandoning their faith the minute they leave the house (or sometimes even before) and that homeschooling is not the whole answer, I started to think.

We do all the outward things well.  We pray, we have morning devotions, we go to church, we volunteer and serve others, we talk about God and Jesus and what the Bible says about life.  We discuss worldview and biblical world view.  We discipline (and sometimes encourage).  I have a quiet time and discuss weighty subjects with friends.  We have started a multi-generational family LIFE group at church.  But yet, in my heart of hearts, God is telling me there is something missing.

Something huge.  I can do all those things.  I am goal oriented, task driven and an excellent list maker.  I love reading, love doing school, love helping others.  But, absolutely none of those things produce joy or love or peace in my home.  They are parts of a full life, though.

As my kids get older, I want them to LOVE our home.  I want them to not want to be a whole lot of other places.  I want them to view our home as a sanctuary, a safe place, a place of love and fun and peace and joy.  I want my children to esteem me, hubby and their siblings.  Most of all, I want my children to love and seek God IN EVERYTHING.  Because faith and hope and love for Him produces true joy no matter what the circumstances.

God has put a bunch of stuff in my path the last couple of years.  I won't write it all out because it would take me forever to list it all.  From scripture, to people, to books, to circumstances (mostly beyond my control.)  He is telling me I have no love.  I have no joy.  We have no peace.  And it is because of me.  Not all because of me.  But, I can guarantee beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am the catalyst of all the bad feelings in our home.

I lack love in the everyday, little things.  I love the big picture.  But I struggle mightily with the everyday little annoying, frustrating, confusing things.  And isn't that what makes up life?.  All the little things?  I have boundless joy suckers in my house all the time.  I need to do something about that.

So, I am in the middle of the book The Happiness Project.  And that gave me an idea.  I am starting my own "joy project."  I am going to spend the next few days, weeks, months, years working on my joy factor.  From the inside out.  A true change of heart.  (I know I can not do it on my own.  Phil 13:4 I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.)

I am keeping a list off all the things that suck joy out of my life.  Everything from a forgetful husband to kids who can't sit at the table and just eat their food.  I am going to pray over the list, evaluate the list (as to why they suck joy out of my life), figure out whether the things on the list really matter in light of eternity, figure out what practical things I can do about the things left on the list,give God many things on my list.  And go from there.  The list, so far, in three days, is front and back of a sheet of notebook paper!

Most of it is just little things.  Just little, little, little things.  That get under my skin and "ruin" my day.

After praying over my partial list on Tuesday, I have decided to tackle LOVE first.  In 1 Peter God says it covers a multitude of sins.  And I am talking about love in my heart.  I am working on me first.  Be a catalyst of a loving attitude.  In all things.

I want to love the everyday little things that drive me crazy and suck out joy.  I want to learn to be thankful for those things and see them as opportunities for growth in me and my family.  Aren't we all on a journey of a relationship with Christ?  We are always growing, always maturing.

I truly do love my life.  I just want it to be filled with more true joy.  Not one that comes from circumstances, things or anything temporal.  I want my joy to be focused on the eternal. And the work that I am called to do for my King.  Being a joyful helpmeet to my husband, being a mother that someday my children will rise up and call blessed.  A parent who has eternal goals for her children.

So, as I progress through my Joy Project, I will be relating things through my blog.  Mostly because it is therapeutic.  And, blogging is something that brings me joy . . . .

Secret Keepers

A week and a half ago, the big girls and I and a bunch of mom friends and their daughters went to a program called Secret Keepers LIVE!  The program promotes beauty for young girls being defined by modesty and that true beauty comes from God.

In this day and age where 7 year olds look like 17 year olds, it was refreshing to hear from God's word about what is truly beautiful in a girl/women.  And none of it really has to do with the outside.  Yes, we should be neat and clean and properly dressed but that is not what defines true beauty.  God, in Scripture calls each one of us beautiful.  And He would know because He created each and everyone of us.

We got tips on dressing stylish yet modest.  And she challenged each young girl there to spend more time in God's word then she does looking in the mirror.  I thought that was cool!!

She explained, through a parable, that each girl is a Princess in the Kingdom of God.

Anyway, it was just nice to hear from another source that beauty is truly from the inside and that modesty is the way to go . . .