Silent Sunday

Christmas Parade

Every year our city puts on a holiday celebration called "Light Up Tallahassee." There is the Jingle Bell Run, they turn on all the lights in the downtown parks, and there is a parade with Santa at the end. Hubby and I have been going to it since before we were married. We actually have worked it for a couple of years because we worked at a downtown hotel and they always sold food and drinks. (We met at that hotel :) There was one year (before kids) that we rented a room in the hotel for the day and night with my mom, stepdad and sissy and we were able to go up and go to the bathroom or watch football or just relax. Then we would go back down and walk around all the entertainment and food and crafts. That was one of the best memories! I have a very good friend who works in an office building downtown. His office over looks the main street of the parade. I think the year after Nature Girl was born he invited my family up to watch the parade with his family from his office. Of course, this has now become a tradition!! When we started doing this I had one child and he had three. Now he has five and I have four so our little party has grown considerably. All of the kids have a blast watching the parade go by from up high. We have cookies and drinks and lots of laughter. Our little get together has expanded to include my mom, sissy and sometimes my mother-in-law. We have had some good times up in that office that over looks the parade. We are looking forward to it again tonight . . .

Walk About

Yesterday was the first day in months that we have gone for a walk around the neighborhood. Daddy had to work last night so I thought it would be a good time killer. Plus, it was an absolutely beautiful day. In the mid 60s I believe. The kids were excited to go. We haven't been in awhile because truthfully I had a hard time keeping up with everyone while pregnant. And also it had been pretty warm up until about a month ago. But yesterday was wonderful. We leisurely strolled around our circle. Usually we see lots of neighbors but I guess because it was before 5 o'clock most everyone was still at work or where ever. We got to see some Christmas decorations. The kids wanted to go the "long way" which means going down to where the big beautiful houses are and one even has horses. But considering it was our first venture out I decided to keep it short and simple. Boop usually wants to ride in the stroller but this time he took pleasure in pushing EG in hers. He pushed her all the way around. The girls ran and raced. One of the highlights of our walks is running through the one weeping willow in our neighborhood. Weeping willows are my favorite trees. The kids run back and forth through the long thin branches (with strict instructions not to pull on them.) It was nice to get out and breathe the fresh air. EG liked it as well, although she slept through her first walk. I am sure in the months to come there will be many late afternoon walks for her to take part in . . . .

The Nutcracker

One of the traditions I have during the Christmas season is I take the girls (and boy if daddy isn't home) to the Nutcracker Ballet. This is the 5th year I have purchased tickets. Grandma goes with us and the girls get dressed up and we have a really, really nice time. The girls love it and so do I. This year is a little different. I have still purchased tickets for all of us but because of EG's nursing problems I am not sure if I should go. I have always made sure that when we have a new baby in the house the other kids don't get slighted. I try to keep things the same as much as possible. Like taking them to ballet and tumbling or other special events. I have talked with Grandma and she is more than happy to take the girls alone but has kind of expressed the same concern. Will the girls notice that this year I am not going? (If that is what I choose to do.) Probably not. They would be tickled to go with Grandma. I have talked with Daddy and he has mentioned going along (with Boop) which I personally think would be cool. I can hear the girls talking in a couple years from now "Remember the year that daddy took us to the Nutcracker? Wasn't that cool??" I am not sure what I am going to do. I have always enjoyed taking the girls. It is something we do together that is special and girly. No matter what, I know my girls would understand. So many choices to make - so many decisions. Such a desire to do the right thing. Whatever that may be . . . .

Nursing

This post will be filed under the honesty heading :) I believe in breastfeeding. I think it is the best for every baby. Recent research says it is the optimal way to feed your baby for the first three months. When I see newborns with bottles it makes me sad. I am allowed to say this because I have always struggled with nursing my babies. Nature Girl was a month early and I didn't have any idea about nursing babies. Because she was early she didn't have a strong sucking reflex. And then she had to be in the hospital for two days under the billi lights (spelling). So she and I struggled from the get go. I knew nursing was the best but she and I could never quite get it to work. I had little "feeding tubes" taped to my breast filled with formula to encourage her to suck. I gave her supplemental bottles after nursing for an hour. Every time she cried (which was a lot) I nursed her. We pumped, we nursed, we taped tubes, we went to support groups, I took natural supplements, we were up all night every night. Finally in tears and unsuccessful I called my mom. I don't remember exactly what she told me but whatever it was alleviated the guilt I was feeling for not being able to do what my body was created to do.

When Little Mama was born that was my biggest fear. Not being able to nurse again. I got a book that helped encourage nursing and putting a baby on a loose schedule. One of the biggest things the book recommended was getting the baby to take a full feeding every time she needed to eat. And it started from the minute the baby was born. It helped a lot. Little Mama was a good nurser but we still had problems. She didn't gain weight like the doctors wanted. By about 6 months (and I am sure I have the time wrong) she was listed as a failure to thrive and a pediatric specialist recommended she eat Ensure. Well, I did that for about a week. It just didn't seem right to me. In every other aspect she was fine. She just wasn't this huge baby growing like the charts say she should (which I have since been told are not necessarily made for breastfed babies). At about 10 months, Little Mama started taking a bottle. But I feel she is my success story.

Of course I had the same concerns when Boop was born. He did well for the first few months. He had a rash all over his body so it took some time trying to figure that out. At about three months he started to not gain as much and he was waking up constantly at night. So back to the support group we went. They put me on supplements to help boost my milk supply. I came home with a scale so I could weigh him pre and post feeding. After a couple days it was determined that he had a milk allergy and the milk he was getting from me gave him an all over body rash. Between that and the fact he wasn't gaining like he was suppose to, we decided to give him soy milk formula. I was glad that we made it as far as we did. It still bothers me that we didn't go longer but I had so much else to consider.

So now we have EG. Her first day nursing at the hospital was awesome. I thought to myself "Yeah!!!! It is finally all coming together and this is going to work like it is suppose to!!" Then the second day came and she refused to latch on. In came the nurses and the lactation consultants with the tubes and the formula. All in an effort to get her to latch and help my body make milk. I was sad!! I wanted so much to have this work. When we left the hospital I had to get a pump and I still had the tubes and tape. Every time I fed her I had to rig myself up (which I swore I would never do again because it was so stressful.) I still have the marks on my body from the tape. Finally, after about a week and numerous calls to the lactation consult and one meeting with her (to the tune of $50) she finally started nursing all on her own. Yeah!!!! Success!! But not for long. She had gained most of her weight back in the first week we were home so I thought we were well on our way. Just for kicks I had her weighed again the next week and she had actually lost 2 ounces. I was heart broken. Back to the lactation consultant for a scale and milk supply supplements. Now, we have been to the doc again and she has gain 4 oz but still not back to her birth weight. I have to weigh her every morning to make sure she is gaining and I have to weigh her before and after each feeding to make sure she is getting enough. There are times when I want to throw in the towel. I think hubby would like me to at times because it is such a huge weight on my shoulders to be solely responsible for her growth. Today we go back to the lactation consult for any last words on what I should do next. I absolutely do not want to give up nursing. What a blessing in the life of a new mother to look down numerous times a day and see your baby nestled close to you and nursing. There is no replacement for that. I feel I can say what is the best for a baby having been able to nurse (at least for a little while) and not being able to nurse. I have learned part of the problem is me. I don't eat all the things that I should like foods high in protein and fats. I am not a big eater and I eat just for me to survive. Hubby makes me eggs etc to help me to eat right. I lose my baby weight way to fast. I lost 26 lbs in 10 days. That can't be good for nursing. And, I am high strung. None of these qualities is good for nursing.

I have no regrets. I have a little guilt at times but I know in my head (if not necessarily in my heart) that I have given it my all each and every time. I have weighed what is good for my baby, myself and my family and made choices based on that. It is all I can do. I keep praying that this time it will work for the long haul but if not I will do my best to let myself off the hook. . .

All By Myself, Part II

So, today daddy goes back to work today for 10 hours. And I am all by myself. It is a little daunting but I am sure I will be fine. It will be all the small things that get me. Like when I am nursing EG and Boop has gone number 2 :) Or I have EG asleep in my arms and somebody spills something :) I would consider sending every one outside today but it is cold here. It is only suppose to be 54. For us that is winter coat weather. Isn't that funny?? In away I am looking forward to being all by myself. It will be a confidence booster. Daddy only works today and then maybe again on Friday. So I can ease into our routine. Grandma said she would come over and a friend is coming by later on to pick up a card order. Also, another friend is bringing us dinner. So I guess I have nothing really to worry about. I will be praying all day for grace and patience and wisdom. Feel free to pray for me . . . .

Sleep

Now I am not complaining because in the sleep department things could be a lot worse. I have a beautiful baby girl who doesn't mind sleeping but she does have a preference as to where she sleeps. When hubby went on his trip I just wanted sleep at any cost so if that meant in my arms that was OK. We have managed to transition some nap times to the swing and I even got her to sleep in her bassinet twice. On the whole I don't mind holding her while she naps. It means I just get to sit and stare at her. (Of course the house is falling down around us :) Every night we sleep in the recliner. I started this the day before hubby left because nighttime sleep is very important to me. And, if we sleep together in the recliner she will sleep for 4-5 hours and I actually have to wake her to feed her!! We have been doing this for about two weeks now. It has been pretty comfortable for us and like I said we get sleep! This morning, just for kicks, after I fed her I put her in her bassinet to see if she would go back to sleep. I crawled into my bed which I have only slept in once (for about an hour) since being home. Oh My Gosh did it feel good!! It was like lying on a cloud. I am a tummy sleeper so I just wiggle and buried myself in my pillow and sheets and comforter. I wanted to stay there all day (well, at least for about 30 minutes). I think I got to stay there for about 10. Oh, I know this stage of baby doesn't last forever and I am pretty sure this will be the last time I get to share these precious moments with a newborn child so I am not whining (not seriously whining). But, I gotta tell you I am looking forward to the day when I can crawl in my bed for just a few moments of uninterrupted sleep . . .