I had the opportunity to listen to Ryan
Sprague talk last night. Ryan
Sprague is a former
FSU football player, homeschooling dad to four little boys, one with Cerebral
Palsy. He came to talk to one of our
homeshool groups about relationships.
This has been an interesting topic for me. Courtship vs. dating. In fact a friend of mine and I just sat down about a week and half ago to talk with a mom who is successfully navigating this interesting stage in life.
Mr. Sprague did not discuss those particular topics but just the foundation of human relationships in general. Based on Scripture. And, even though, much of the time he was talking to youth and parents of teenagers, what he had to say was sooooo applicable to everyone in the room.
First thing he did was quote Ephesians 6:1-4. The first three verses command children to respectfully obey their parents and if children choose to willfully obey their parents, God promises a blessing for them. He told the youth that no matter what their parents decided for them about dating/courting that they are to humbly obey them. And God promises to bless them.
The last part of the verse tells parents not to exasperate their children. That when parents set goals and boundaries and questions come up from children, take the time to teach and train their children as to why they set the boundaries they did. Mr. Sprague is all about "because I said so" but he also feels there are plenty of times in life when conversations about goals and boundaries and family rules need to be explained and taught to children. So the child as a basis for why the rule or boundary has been set.
Mr. Sprague believes in family, family, family. It is the parents responsibility, with the guidance and direction from God to lead the family, teach the family, protect and guide the children. And he is very, very passionate and educated about it.
His main purpose last night was to give the foundation of a biblical marriage and how that translates into a teenager's desire to date. Dating/courtship is not mentioned in the bible. It is a relatively new concept in the last 100 years or so. So, when discussing courtship or dating we need to go to the relationship that God does discuss and that is marriage.
This is what Mr. Sprague believes Scripture teaches "Marriage is a human relationship that is a picture of God's divine relationship with His church." Based on that foundation, divorce is not an option. Because if our marriage is a reflection of God's relationship with the church and God does not leave us, in fact He sent His Son to die for us to maintain that relationship, then we, as a human reflection of that relationship should not divorce. Ever. He said we could debate the exceptions in the Bible and he has read both sides of the issue but that wasn't why he was there. He wanted to give a Biblical foundation for all relationships.
So, based on the fact that the marriage relationship is based on the above picture of God and church, courting and dating should be discussed in that context. Teenagers should not be asking at what age can I date but what do I need to do to be mature enough to enter into that type of permanent relationship. What do I need to learn to be the head of a family? What do I need to learn to be a submissive wife?
He reiterated over and over again, that marriage isn't a warm, fuzzy, what have you done for me lately feeling. And that is why so many marriages end. "It isn't what I expected." "I don't love him/her anymore." "It is too hard."
Some how the marriage relationship has become all about the individuals. It is a selfish relationship based on what one spouse can do for the other spouse to make them happy, fulfill a need, provide a home, children etc. He said every marriage relationship begins in adultery because we love ourselves much more than we love our spouse. Society has turned it into that. Divorce happens because "we love ourselves more than we are willing to love our spouse." That was huge to me. I can see that in my own marriage.
No teenager should date/court until they are ready to sacrifice for someone else. Because that is what an exclusive relationship is. Marriage is sticking through the inevitable tough times. Cancer, death, financial problems.
I think that I need to show my children the God designed plan for marriage. In word and deed. And I think some of those ideas and seeds need to be planted now, while they are still young. I come from a divorced family. My husband comes from a divorced family. And the odds would say that hubby and I don't have a great chance of success.
Even though we did not have this type of idea going into marriage and yes, I am sure I married my hubby for some selfish reasons, we both knew that divorce was just not an option. I now understand better why.
Mr. Sprague was wonderful. And he talked about a bunch of stuff that is so contrary to popular culture. But he was strong and passionate about what he believes. And he talk was based on Biblical Truth. I hope to hear him again sometime in the future. Maybe with my preteen girls in tow . . .
