Octopus

Another honesty post! I need to be an octopus. As I dread the fact that daddy will be returning to work soon I start to think about how on this Earth am I going to take care of everybody. Oh I know I am not the first to go through this. Many amazing moms have been this route before and successfully accomplished what they needed to accomplish. I call this time in our lives Survival. When the kids ask to do something special and I can barely go to the bath room I apologize profusely and explain we are in survival mode- just getting done what needs to be done to survive - food, sleep, laundry, going out only when we NEED to, pay bills (sometimes - although when the cable goes out or the electricity flickers I wonder if I have paid the bill ;). There is part of me that feels so guilty about my current stance on home life. It will probably get a little worse before it gets better. Just for the mere fact of trying to figure everything out by myself. I already know, even with daddy home, that I do not have enough hands, patience, time etc. What will I do when that extra pair of hands isn't around to give me extra time and the ability to gather my patience. He has gone back to work after three previous pregnancies and we have been fine. But, this time it has been a little harder to get a grip on things. Part of it is the fact that EG and I are having such a hard time nursing. It takes up a lot of our day. With daddy home I can give it the attention it needs. Don't know what we will do when I won't have that luxury of time. I wouldn't say I am worried because it has always worked out in the past. And I know it will work out in the future. A friend of mine who has 9 children told me number 3, 4, and 5 were the hardest because the older children were not really at the age where they could seriously help - change diapers, make dinner, take a kid for a walk. But, I know that I will ask help from each of my guys at some point. Even if it is to bring me the wipes or fold some towels. They will be an invaluable resource. I hope and pray it will teach them the gift of servitude and selflessness and being a team player. It will be a God's grace thing . . .